My Crazy Kids!!!

WOW!

2011-11-10T07:12:00.000-08:00

Now
Then

Wow! I can truly say that a LOT has happened since my last post! I am kind of sad thinking about all that you have missed, with me not posting about every breath I take! No, really, you have missed a TON! My sweetest little sweetheart was born on May 4th of this year. That was a real treat! Well, the having him part is the what I am smartly referring too, although the getting to keep his sweet little face really is a treat! HE is perfect! Perfect, mind you, is a relative term, because if this adorable little ball of joy never sleeps and at the ripe old age of 6 months is still interested in eating ALL the TIME and SLEEPING NEVER! ;) I am really not kidding! He is making his momma old fast! He got me up almost every hour again last night! And, I am a total zombie, because I really don't "use" caffeine often, so I am an ugly mess! UGH!

You know, this will go on record as the most crazed, jumbled, run-on, hard to read, harder to understand post EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER, but those of you who know me should be used to it by now!

With that said, I have so much more to tell you, but hardly have the time. My little guy keeps me crazy busy and my Meeeeema keeps me even more busy! Hmmm, I don't have a "code name" for my little guy...that will never do! What should we call him? Little Guy...that'll work! He seemed like such a sausage when he was born that we fondly referred to him as The Little Guy. Yep, you know you are fancy when there is a The in your nickname. Well, that, or your parents are total fruitcakes, which may also be the case? No opinion comments, thank you! :)

What else, I must say that writing is exhilarating, although I feel like I am spelling it wrong and NO I won't be hitting spellcheck, for any reason, when this post is complete, because that really isn't who I am! Crazy people don't NEED to be perfect, they are usually to crazy to realize there is anything wrong with them at all...yes, speaking of myself here!

My heart is racing...YES, I really do need a life, but I think the simple, yet insanely busy, life that I lead is good enough for now!

Well, I think I should leave this post for now, because my Little Guy is now disgusted with the amount of ME TIME I have allowed myself to have! Yes, he seems to lead me and not the other way around! And, NO, I am not a pushover, often!

Have a great day!

Maybe you will hear from me again soon? I hope so.

Jamie

Happy Birthday

2011-03-17T08:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my niece, Breonna. She would have been 7 this year. We only had her for a VERY SHORT time, but I don't think there is any way any of us will ever forget her. This makes me sad, but not as sad as it used to. I am not really sure why. I just know the massive amount of pain has given way to a dull ache when I think of how really horrible it is to lose someone so young, sweet and full of potential. Life never ceases to confuse me, but I try not to let the "hard times" take me under with complete and total waves of sadness. Some days are easier than others.

Hope you are all enjoying your loved ones, here and gone, today.

Jamie

Pee...

2011-03-01T09:31:00.000-08:00

Ya, I said pee!

How can I help talking about it with a crazed 3 year old in the house!?!? Really?

Now that we are on the same page, let's move forward, shall we?

On peeing in the bathtub...A few days ago, Ponch ever so kindly let Meeeeema get into the tub with her. Meeeeema, the crazed 3 year old, can not stand for anyone else to be in the bathroom, let alone the tub, without her. Anyway, she weaseled her way in and was allowed to take a bath with her sister. Ponch was reluctant, to say the least, but let her anyway. Boy was Ponch ever less than thrilled when Meeeeema proclaimed, "I just peed in the bathtub!" Ponch said, "you don't pee in the tub! I am in here too!" Meeeeema looked curtly and said, "Oh, well, I peed by me, not you!"

Dear Lord, what could be better than that?

Well, there is just ooooooooone more thing...ugh!

Last night my husband and I were both ready for bed by 9:30. Meeeeema, was the only kid not in bed yet and she is still sleeping in ours more often than not, so that should set the stage. Just turning 3 in December, she is not night potty trained, so she always has a diaper on. Well, somehow, neither one of us thought to put a diaper on her last night and neither realized it. Sooooo, at roughly 12:45, I jumped out of bed (which if you have seen my ever enlarging mid-section lately, you know I don't jump often!) and started yelling for him to get her up, so she wouldn't keep peeing all over my bed! BLAH! Yes, folks, I had pee all over the back of my pajama shirt, pants and bed! I was just sooooo enthused about messing with all of that at such a "decent" hour! So, I took the sheet off and took care of the spot and then tried my best to get some sleep! Needless to say, I don't think I will be forgetting her diaper any time soon! :)

ADHD? I think so!

2011-01-24T07:53:00.001-08:00

I think I have severe Society Induced ADHD! Moms are expected to be able to keep up with EVERYTHING! I am not always that great at it, so I start something, shift gears, make a wrong turn and finally come back around to finish that load of laundry I put in two hours ago!

Blah........................!!!

2011-01-12T14:54:00.000-08:00

I know I don't write as much as I should. I think it is starting to pile up on me, mentally! I am feeling better now, but was COMPLETELY freaking out this morning! I had a huge realization that another child, especially child number 8, will be like adding a giant wedge to my husband's and my relationship! The biggest wedge now is currently 3 and sleeps right in between us. I have been sick for what feels like forever. I was hot and cold and achy and feeling half dead. I also felt like I was sleeping alone...my partner on the other side of the 3 year old, which feels like a lifetime away. I know who created the monster. I know she would not sleep with us, if WE/ME got her out of our bed. I want her out. She is a conniver. She asks if I want her to sleep in her bed, so the baby can sleep where she sleeps. I tell her there is not a baby here to sleep in her "spot" and that she has to be a big girl, but that doesn't help. I/WE have even tried to get her to sleep with her sisters, thinking that would make her more secure...nope! Suddenly, she can't even turn on the bathroom light and go to the bathroom alone anymore! I could cry! I reallllly could cry! I didn't want to be pregnant, so feeling alone and lonely is not a good way to spend these next few months. It is really wearing on my sanity...the thin thread I have left.

I don't really know what else to say. I can't take a whole lot more of the way I have been feeling..starting to feel serious cabin fever and being sick means keeping to myself, so as not to share tons of germs...I feel like I am fighting a losing battle...barely treading water! Good thing I am stubborn, or I would have folded a loooong time ago!

I hope you are all doing well...someone has to be, right?

Someone Had A Birthday!

2010-12-29T09:37:00.001-08:00

Someone had a birthday yesterday. She only had one wish.

She wished for "macaroni and a cheese!"
I thought she was nuts, but after asking a few more questions, we came up with a plan for an actual gift...a new big girl bike and for supper we made her true wish come to fruition! We had whole grain macaroni and a cheese and organic ground turkey for supper! She was perfectly content with her "birthday meal!" ha! She even got to pick her bike out yesterday. She and her brother have birthdays within 2 days of each other, so there was no party, yet, but I wanted her to have her gift, because she is old enough to know what "it's your birthday" means, but not yet old enough to understand what waiting til later to have a party means! We have enough ANNOYING meltdowns each day, as it is!

Happy Birthday, Meeeeema!

...

2010-12-23T17:12:00.000-08:00

Hey, I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I still have a million things to do and more crochet work to complete, so I figured saying this now was more important than forgetting until all of the festivities were over! :)

2010-12-16T13:18:00.000-08:00

It's a BOY!

Just so you know...

2010-12-09T20:49:00.001-08:00

Just so none of you worry, I am alive and well! I am just swamped under a great big pile of Christmas orders! I am doing my best to dig my way out, while taking on as many orders as I can, because they are helping me make money for Christmas! Some of you know and I am sure the rest of you can just imagine buying gifts for 7 kids for Christmas! Birthdays are hard enough and they usually come one or two at a time! (We have 2 born on the same day, a few years apart and 2 that were born 2 days shy of 5 years apart!) Ugh!

Anyway, I hope you are all doing well and feeling great!

Jamie

2010-12-06T04:51:00.001-08:00

Happy Birthday, Mom! Wish you were here! You would have been 50 today! Wow! 50!

Happy...

2010-11-25T05:42:00.000-08:00

Well, it is Thanksgiving again, even though it hardly seems possible! I have been so busy that the entire year flew by, I guess??? Jeez, that's a thought, isn't it? Anyway, each time I turn around another day, week, or month is gone. For instance, I found out MONTHS ago that we are expecting again...seems like yesterday, although that could still be shock speaking! ha!

I try to be thankful every day. I try to thank God in good times and bad. I try to support others. I try to be a decent parent. I try a lot of things, but life is hard and moves so fast! I am really thankful that there is ONE DAY a year where we are forced to slow down and be thankful for what we have, who we have and what we can still do.

Life could be much worse. Things could be and have been a lot harder. Loved ones die. Families fall apart. If we are still standing at the end of something like that, we owe ourselves a small pat on the back, as if to say that we made it through the hard times and are going to come out ok. Ok can be just enough some times. I appreciate being ok some days. Hell, these days, I take ok and give it a big fat kiss!

Embrace who you are! Don't worry about what other think, but do worry about how others feel! Enjoy this life. The proverbial "THEY" are not kidding, when they say we get just one go around! Let's make it a good one!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Love,

Jamie

Whole Pile of New Listings!

2010-11-02T16:15:00.001-07:00

Special order Bears colors scarf!

Possible special order hat!

One for my Etsy and/or my sale!

Another one for my Etsy and/or my sale!

One for my 10 year old (no, this isn't the 10 year old), but I listed it, because it is so easy to recreate!

Well, even though I feel like I have gotten a lot done, I still have two more special order stockings, a Frankenstein bucket, a panda bear hat and 1 flip top mitten to finish! ha! Yes, just one mitten! I made 2 left mittens and had to make a right for the first pair, so now I have a lonely left to make a mate for! And, I have to sew the velcro onto one more flip top mitten for one of my sons! I don't feel as overwhelmed now, but this should tell you why I have been absent on here lately! Although, this list of stuff, minus one of the hats, was all made up in the last 3 or 4 days. I have been feeling BUSY! I could be busier, but I am not sure how! I am VERY thankful for all of the work though! I have been hiding it away for Christmas!

Must Be Growing?

2010-11-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

I don't know what is going on, but I must be growing, because I was getting ready to get into the shower this morning and Mesa looked at me for a minute and then spouted off, "Mommy, why is you bewly button so fat!" Great! FABulous! Like I need another reminder that I am getting bigger by the minute! Honestly, by now (I was 14 weeks Sunday) with all of the others I was out of my regular clothes. I am still wearing my jeans, but probably only because they are low cut. I have a feeling that I won't be wearing them too terribly much longer, but I still have them on for now!

If there were to be a moral to this story, it would be...

NEVER let a 2 year old see you naked!

I tried telling her it is the baby growing in my belly. She did not seem to buy it! She said something else that made my day..."You awr giant!" Well, thanks, princess! Dear God! I didn't want to have more children, but I REALLY didn't want to gain weight...I was LOSING it! UGH!

Anyway, I hope you are all doing well!

Problem...

2010-10-21T16:04:00.000-07:00

I have a problem....

I don't know what to do about it...

It is kind of driving me crazy...

Wanna know what it is???
.
.
.
.
.
.
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I am hungry ALL THE TIME!!!

I hope you are all doing well! I appreciate you listening to my lunacy! I would write even if no one was listening, but having a little input helps!

Thanks,

Jamie

Unusual

2010-10-20T04:47:00.001-07:00

Unusual gloom and doom, or hormones running rampant? Who knows, but it is driving me nuts and upon the advice of a friend, I am going to try the out let of blogging more. I am sure it will help, but sometimes I don't feel like trying to explain things, because if you were to look inside my brain...jumbled mess!

Anyway...

Yesterday was my first REAL OB appointment, which means I had all the creep stuff checked! Looooove it! UGH! Beyond that, I like my new dr., whom I have only met once before. She is really NORMAL, so you don't feel like you are under a microscope, but she is also INTELLIGENT, so you end up feeling like you will be taken care of. Some drs. are too much for me.

Moving on...

She asked about concerns and as odd as it sounds, I was only concerned that this being my 5th actual pregnancy, I thought I would be bigger. I don't mean my fat places should be bigger...my actual lower abdomen should be bigger. I am still wearing regular clothes, which has NEVER happened past 10 weeks. I rationalize that jeans are cut lower than they used to be, mine are anyway. I rationalize that I don't eat red meat, or milk with hormones any more, which could have something to do with it, but I only made it to 10 weeks with my first...the 5th...

She checked for a uterus measurement and could not find one. She checked for a heartbeat and could not find one. She and I talked briefly and then she decided that I should have a sonogram...right now! I didn't panic externally. I did a little inside. It made me very sad and sick to think about carrying around someone who had ceased to exist, somewhere along the lines.

I had to drink a TON of water, or so it seemed! I had to be registered for the sonogram. And, then, I had to wait, until the lady was ready for me. A short wait feels like a long wait, sometimes. A few minutes later a familiar face walked in to get me! She was the lady who did my sonograms with my last child. Her husband is actually one of my son's football coaches! That made me feel a little better.

The X-Ray tech got me all set up and got started on the baby looking. She asked what I was doing there and I told her that the dr. checking to be sure it was still alive, pretty much. She confirmed. She started giggling! I didn't say much. She flipped the screen my way and I was able to see this little baby hopping all over the place! He/she was/is very much alive and all hopped up on something! Jeez!

I started to cry! I hate feeling like I have been slammed into saying I want something that I, for all possible reasons did not want. I feel like God slaps me around sometimes! Like he says, "do you, or don't you?" and I am forced to claim ownership of something I did not intend to own. Amazing!

I was so relieved.

I was so drained.

I had already walked myself through everything that would happen next, if the baby had not be alive. I was completely saddened at the mere thought of all of the feelings so many women face. Some even face these feelings often. I feel for all of them. I can't imagine, although now I have.

I went to be just after 7 last night. My husband did not understand why. He seemed aggravated with me. I could not stay awake any longer. Life is overwhelming sometimes. Being pregnant, stressed, having a million kids and a serious scare just wiped the floor with me!

Thanks for listening!

Jamie

Life

2010-10-19T06:06:00.000-07:00

Life is really getting overwhelming. I am not interested in much of anything, but I feel like I need something. No, I am not really depressed. I would tell you if I was. TRUST ME! I am stressed out though! I feel like I am getting lost in everything that is going on. I feel like I don't matter much and that is driving me nuts! I hate winter and I know it is coming...could be part of the problem. I love fall though, so I am trying not to let my dislike for the cold and short daylight hours eat up all that I love about fall! It isn't that easy though. I kinda feel like I am losing it, which is just awesome! I feel lonely. I miss my mom. I think all of these dumb hormones are pushing me closer to the edge! UGH! Like I need help getting to the edge! REALLY!?

Also, I have a brother in prison. I miss him. He is 5 hours south of me. I NEVER get to see him. We have a million kids and it is not easy to just up and leave for 12 hours, in one day. And, overnight is even less of an option. I wouldn't really want to be gone over night unless the kids could come with us anyway! Although, a St. Louis trip with just my husband and I would probably be priceless! Anyway, back to the brother...ready to choke him ! I write him. I am probably the only person who does, without fail, yet he is not writing back. I would love to know what makes him think I will take some excuse about how busy he is, as a reason why he can't write me back, when I have all these kids, in all these sports, with all the laundry, meals, showers, fingernail clipping, hair brushing, teeth brushing crap that goes with them...I am not listening to any crap about how busy he, or anyone else is! I KNOW what busy is! One letter a month would NOT be asking too much! REALLY!

And, I go to the dr. today. The dr. is in a nearby city. The city is where the mother of our two adopted kids lives. I don't want to run into her. I don't want reasons to have to avoid her. I just want to keep my distance. That will be rather tough to do, since she lives there and in an uptown apartment just down the block. This makes me kind of sick. I just want her to stay away. I want the kids to have a shot at growing up, without drama. Extra drama anyway! Our house has plenty of drama...KIDS, not me, of course! ha!

Sorry for venting. I can't keep all the dumb stuff tucked in any longer though. It is not my style. I should be writing, but the indifferent feelings have been keeping me from doing a lot of the me things that I do. I did, however, just write him a letter...my brother, so he knows I am tired of being pushed off. Don't worry, that was only in the first paragraph. I wrote nice "stuff" after that.

Thanks for listening.

Jamie

So, I had this dream...

2010-10-13T05:46:00.001-07:00

So, I had this dream and woke up in a panic around 3:30 this morning. I dreamed that Bake's and Boog's mom had been sneaking into our house. (Remember, these are the two that are adopted and their mom has been in and out and now really out of the lives, over the last few years.) She was looking for something, among my papers, but I could not figure out what. All I know is that my husband and I were headed back from a dr. appt. and found pics of our youngest son, Bucko, strung all over a country road. I was baffled, but picked them up and went home to find that she had been there, sneaking through my papers. The next thing I know, she and her friends are driving through our alley and go out of their way to hit one of our cars, which was parked back there. (Dreams are odd! We don't park back there at all.) I called the police and balled them out for letting her out of jail, in the first place. (She really was just in there for 5 or 6 different charges and was not prosecuted on the one that should have blown her parole...little bitter, I guess.) They said they could not do anything, because there would be no proof that it was her. Of course!

The next thing I know, she is calling me at work. I flip out, when I figure out it is her. I told her to stay out of my house and out of our lives. I am DONE with the garbage. I get home from work and she has been in my house again! And, the best part is that I find a baby in Ponch's bedroom! I couldn't believe it! I had to wonder how long the poor thing had been there! It was a newborn. I thought it was a boy, from the way it was dressed. It was soaked in pee, so I changed it. Strangely, I bought my first bag of newborn diapers a few weeks ago, in real life, and in my dream it was right there, under my bed, so I pulled that out and changed the baby, only to find out it was a girl. Funny?! It was a sweet, tiny baby. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with it, but I knew someone had to take care of it. All I could think is that I would not let it go, but I was also going to be having a baby before this one would be very old! UGH!

To the rescue...Like it was the way it was supposed to be, my mom showed up. (She died 3 years ago, in Sept.) She found something to feed the baby. She was playing with it, so I could get something done. I walked out of the room and could hear the baby giggling, at all of about 2 or 3 days old! She always said that when a new baby smiles it is because an angel is talking to them. Anyway, I called Bake's and Boog's mom and freaked out on her again! I was really ready to choke her, for dropping another child in my lap, since she has never had to be responsible for anyone and now I would be doing the 2 by 2 baby raising, yet again! She told me it was her dad's baby. (Her dad died when she was 4, or something like that.) I accepted the lie and let it go. I woke up wondering who I would have to go through to explain how I got this baby and what would happen to it, when I did call someone. (Isn't it funny how quickly we fall in love with something so small!)

Well, Now...

2010-10-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

Well, now, I am no longer absent, but I am PISSED! I have had it! The justice system does NOT bring justice and I have had enough of it. Of course, it is not fair to just say that and walk away, although I would kind of like to, because the can of worms is a little larger than I care to deal with right now, but since my mind is on overload and I want to be able to sleep tonight, I should just say it, right?

The bio mom of the two kids we adopted has been in legal trouble, starting just a few weeks after getting out of prison, in the first place. She has gotten a DUI, driving without a license, a speeding ticket and something else, all in one night. After that, she got a domestic battery charge and a felony charge for theft, a few weeks after that.

Today was court. Court should have been a fair process, but she would have definitely gotten in serious trouble, because she is still on parole.

Anyway, I was able to look it up and she got probation and a hefty fine, for the DUI, but the felony just got pushed off and so did almost everything else! I don't understand! I really don't! How can you do thing after thing after BIG thing wrong and get almost nothing out of it?

Forgive me, but she runs around breaking the law, she didn't do what she needed to keep her kids and it is ALL driving me CRAZY!

I CAN NOT understand how some people can get by with doing NONE of what they are supposed to do.

Maybe I will sleep tonight and maybe I won't, but thanks for letting me freak out! You probably can't even make heads or tails of the crazed ramblings, but I feel a little better, I think!

Absent!

2010-09-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

Well, I just wanted to tell you all that I am going to be absent for most of the next week. Some of you may think I am absent now, but I assure you, this is normal me and next week will be crazy busy me who has no time to think! I just thought you should know up front, so you don't wonder.

First off, Sunday marks the 3 year anniversary of mom's death. STINKS! That's all I have on that!

Next weekend is the homecoming parade and some of the kids are in it, so we HAVE TO be there. That is next Thursday. Friday is the homecoming game. We will be taking the kids to that.

Saturday and Sunday my sister and I will be setting up at a really cool art, wine and music festival! I can't wait! It is an hour away and we have to be there early, so that we are set up on time. I am sure it will be fun, FABulous and exhausting!

IF you want to google it, it is the Salt Fork River Art Festival, Oakwood, IL!

Have a great week everyone!
If you miss me on here, I am probably missing you too!

Froggy, Froggy, Froggy!!!

2010-09-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

A friend asked me to make a Halloween costume, from her pattern, so I could take pics of the girls in it, for her Etsy listing. When I got the costume done, she suggested that I make a bucket to go with it. It is all reaaaaaaaaaaally cute! I might be a tad biased! What do you think?

Coming Out!

2010-09-09T11:22:00.000-07:00

Well, I came out the other day, on the issue of my pregnancy, in a round about way...tried hiding it in my text. I really didn't want to talk about it, but I did, if that makes sense.

Anyway, today, I will tell you, for those who are not on my FB, what I found out at my first actual OB visit. Honestly, I only met with the OB nurse today. She was great. I also had an ultrasound done. Internal, or transvaginal, as I believe they call it! YUCK! Loved that! Blah!

I am 6 weeks 4 days.

There is only 1!

I am due May 1st.

I had my routine bloodwork done too. That really nearly killed me, but not because of the pain, more so because of the fear of needles! UGH! I am reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally afraid of needles! It makes me shudder just thinking about it.

So, in conclusion, I am pregnant and will be for a really long time. I already feel bigger, which is NOT GREAT! I have been feeling sick for a good part of the late mornings, to early afternoons. (The nurse told me to take b6 for nausea. I will give that a try.) And, there is only 1 to worry about squeezing into this tiny house of ours. Oh, last bit of pertinent info...made a urology appt. for the husband! That's right...snip, snip, clip, clip! Better not wimp out this time, or he will be a dead man!

Have a great day!

I AM A WHINER!!!!

2010-09-08T08:04:00.000-07:00

My back hurts, makes me NOT HAPPY!

I feel sick A LOT, makes me not happier!

I don't like being pregnant, never have! Sorry for those of you who love being pregnant, but I am being honest here and a whiner, remember?! JEEZ!

Has blood work and an internal sono in the morning...lucky me! I bet you really wish you were me now, right?! UGH!

I may be a whiner, but a sonogram means I can be sure there is only ONE in there! I am about worried sick! I don't want there to be TWO, because there are already SO MANY in our house now and we would be in SERIOUS trouble, if in fact there were TWO in there! ha!

God give me the strength to put up with myself through this pregnancy!

My sister's anniversary!

2010-09-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

Today is my sister's 1 year wedding anniversary!

Go bug her, if you wanna! haha! I think she would love to hear how you spent your first anniversary!

http://browneyedgirl1489.blogspot.com/

The Rest Of The Story...

2010-09-02T05:26:00.000-07:00

Melinda asked what the items in my last blog post mean, which is probably a good question, since they are strange items to be given and I feel so strongly about them, so I guess I will spill my guts now, although, I am not sure I am ready to.

Let me start with a little background, so this might make more sense to all of you, since some of you have not been reading my blog for all that long.

In 2007 I found out I was expecting my 4 bio child and 7 total child. We had 6, counting the 2 we adopted and my husband's oldest, but I had only given birth to 3 of those. Anyway, I was devastated. Really!!! I did not want to have more children, which is why it was ok for me to take on the 6th child. She was a baby in need of a home and I wasn't going to have more babies, so it would be fine. Until, 6 months later, when I found out I was going to have our #7. I went, on the day of my sisters Sr. Prom, to tell my mom. I was standing in her driveway with a pee on a stick device and I was ready to die! She laughed at me.

Flash foward...Mom died Sept. 19th, 2007, of her second bout with cancer. I was pregnant with a child I was not happy about and no longer had my mom. Great!

Flash forward to Monday of this week...My body was not running the way I thought it should be, so I made my husband bring home another pee on a stick device...guess who is freaking pregnant? Well, it sure as hell isn't him! I wasn't going to do this again the last time! Apparently, baby makes 8, or 9, if God is feeling funny and decides I need twins, time will tell.

Anyway, I got a text from my sister yesterday saying that she left something in my car. It was a red gift bag. I looked at all of the items, while I stood in the door of my car (suburban, you know we can't just drive a car with so blasted many kids!) The items were cute, but the card explained it all!

Kylie said,

This care package is to make you smile, when you are ready to smile. I know you've got to be missing mom like crazy right now, so I got you the Jack-O-Lantern to remind you she is always around. Doesn't its crazy smile remind you of that devilish look mom could have? The candle is to bring Fall to your house and make you happy. (I love Fall!) The mug is for the extra chai you will be consuming and to remind you your smile lights up my world, (This had me bawling!) and finally the nail polish is for your toes...I promise to paint them when you can't see them anymore(My toenails get painted, no matter how big I am! I don't do anything else girlie, really, but the toenails!). I'm here when you want to talk, scream or cry. Oh! And the pen is because it is probably time to start writing again! :)(I write in a certain notebook, when I am stressed, or missing mom terribly.)

Pretty sweet, huh?!

These Things...

2010-09-01T16:18:00.001-07:00

These things...

These things were in my car?

These things are from my sister.

These things all have a special meaning.

These things don't look like they would be very special.

These things brought me to tears today, when I read the card explaining them.

These things remind me of my mom's style of gifting.

These things made my day!

Thanks, Snot Face!!!

These things show me how much you love me, even though I don't need these things, at all, to know how much you love me! :)

Yarn A Pa Looza!!!

2010-09-01T16:07:00.000-07:00

Well, a facebook friend sent me a message the other day saying she was no longer in the neeeed for all of the yarn that she had holed up at her house! She also asked me if I wanted it. I am pretty quick to bite, where yarn is concerned, so I asked what she wanted for it. She responded that she wanted me to make winter hats for her two granddaughters! I knew I could make good on that! Actually, I already have the hats finished. Later she said she would take a frog bag, if I could make one up. I will be working on that a little later, because I ran out of the green I was using. Aaaaaaaaanyway, look at the stash I scored!

Thanks again, Alice!!! You really are the best!

A Puppy Fit For A Princess?

2010-08-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

Boog loves to wear little girlie heels and carry a purse, but when I asked what she wanted to be for Halloween, she said she wanted me to make her a puppy costume. Since I had just crocheted up a lady bug costume for her sister, I had a pretty good idea of how to alter that into a puppy, so I told her I would try. The following pictures are what I came up with.

This is a picture from behind, of both girls modeling their costumes!

Lookie, lookie!

2010-08-27T17:50:00.000-07:00

I am really NOT full of myself, but I am soooooooooooooo in love with my latest creation, that I just have to share it! I think it is sooooo, so cute! I think I will celebrate with another cup of chai!

Whaddaya think?

This is the unfinished product! It is intended for this model, but she got bored with me putting it on and taking it off, so I had to use my other model for the result pics!

TaDa! Lady Bug!

It will have a shirt underneath, but it was just too warm today and I don't have the air on, so she went sans undershirt!

two little girls

2010-08-27T10:23:00.000-07:00

Taylor Swift has a song out and some of the lyrics go like this...

She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts.

She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers.

Boog and Meeeeema were having a conversation just a minute ago, or so Meeeeema thought. Boog was just singing the song and Meeeeema thought Boog was talking about her, so here goes.

Boog, "You weah high hewls, I weah t-tiwrts!"

Meeeeema, "No, I weah pip pops!"

???

2010-08-25T18:10:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you are searching for something, but don't know quite with something is? I am spinning my wheels today! I feel out of sorts! I guess maybe it is just because the kids went back to school yesterday and I don't really know what to do without them.

Please,

please,

please,

don't tell them I said that!

For this brief moment of clarity, I believe I might need some chai! ;)

Working With A New Medium

2010-08-23T06:51:00.001-07:00

Last week, a FB friend approached me about crocheting something with jute twine. I thought it might be pretty hard to do, but I told her I would try it anyway. I am usually up for a challenge and it was definitely something I would never have thought of on my own, so I told her I would TRY.

After finding what I needed, I got right to work. At first, the jute twine was making my fingers rather raw. I guess my hands, sort of, toughened up, because after a few times of working with it, I wasn't bothered so much by it.

I made a set of bowls. I was pretty proud of them, but the twine I got from one store was a slightly different color than the twine from the other store, so I have a little color variation. I was not exactly crazy about that, but when the friend looked at the pics I posted on FB, she said it was good to have options. That made me feel better about it! She used to be an art teacher, so she knows her stuff! ;)

Anyway, you wanna see some pics, right?!

Happy viewing! ha!

See the lighter color of the outside bowl?

I tried my hand at some stars too! Yep, she suggested that too!

Momma B

2010-08-12T19:51:00.000-07:00

Momma B...has a headache!

MommaB...is trying to kill the headache with a 20oz bottle of Pepsi!

MommaB...is getting ready for a craft show this weekend!

MommaB...wonders why her husband is working tonight, since that makes everything crazier!

MommaB...has been yelling at the kids a lot today, even though it is not their fault she is insane!

MommaB...thinks maybe it is their fault, a little bit anyway, that she is insane!

MommaB...thinks it is not polite to blame "the children" for her shortcomings!

MommaB...can not help but blame them!

MommaB...might really be losing it here!

MommaB...has been arguing with herself a LOT tonight!

MommaB...hopes you all are having a wonderful evening and an even better weekend!

This is MommaB, signing off!

Little Green Men Have Arrived

2010-08-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

Little green men have arrived and they are all over my house! Ok, so maybe it is just one little green man and he is sitting on my printer, but who's counting! ;)

Bring on Fall and Halloween! I loooove it all! The kids will dress up as something fun and we will hopefully enjoy a night of walking the town, with all of the other kids in town!

One Of The Cutest Things I Have Ever Seen!

2010-08-10T18:00:00.001-07:00

The other night, Meeeeema went to bed, when her daddy did and this is what I found, when I went in to go to bed!

Breakfast Any One?

2010-08-04T20:52:00.001-07:00

Two Girls

2010-08-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

Two little girls asked for a flower, on an evening walk through town, like they always did. The mommy told the girls that there were no flowers, only weeds. The two little girls did not mind being given a simple weed, instead of a flower. They proudly held them over the course of the walk and even took them into the house, when they got home.

The next morning...

One little girl got out of the shower and had her clothes in one hand and her FABulous find from the night before in the other hand. The little girl proclaimed that she had a "pitty, pitty powa." The other little girl looked up at her momma and said, "mommy, where's my weed?!"

Now, you may not see any reason to like the story, but Meeeema, the 2 1/2 year old, thought she had all of the world in that one "pitty powa" and Boog, the 4 year old, could only see a weed, but she still treasured it enough to wonder what had come of hers. Life may seem to hand you weeds, but you should still treasure them, because they are still yours and were picked especially for you!

A Wife For My Monsta!

2010-08-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

This is Monsta Miss Myrtle! She is the wife of Monsta Man Manny! She is adorable, or is she? Well, you know what I mean! I am really enjoying making little Halloween creatures. Of course, with my society induced ADHD, I have changed gears again! I am going to make up a scarf, or possibly a hat and scarf set, but after I finish that, I will probably start on some new play food, or some Halloween buckets! My sister and I have a sale this month, so I have to get the ball rolling!!!

I hope you are all doing well! I hope you had a great weekend!

Meet My Monsta

2010-07-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

Creepy face and dirty feet! ha!

She loved him so much that she did not want to let me take pics!

Up close and personal!

This is my monsta! His name is, you guessed it, Monsta Man! He is adorable! I got my inspiration from a picture that I found on google images! He is for my Etsy team, Create Crochet Team. It is a Fall challenge. Halloween is Fall. A creepy little monsta is Halloween, so I think I have my bases covered!

He has buggy eyes, that only a mother could love, as a good friend said earlier today! He has bolts on the sides of his head! And he is just adorable!!!

My Sister!!!

2010-07-26T08:34:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago, my family left for 6 days to visit my husband's family. Last week, my sister manically did homework for her two summer classes, so she could take the weekend off and go spend it in KY with her family. (We have different dads.) So, this means I really haven't seen her in two weeks, not really at all! UGH! Last night she sent me a text letting me know she was home. I was so thrilled that I seriously considered running down to meet her, but was all pajamafied, so I didn't. Anyway, I should get to see her today. If only for a little bit, because she and her husband move into their first house this weekend! Yay!

This Busy Life

2010-07-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

We gave her such a hard time. First, grandma had to run and get her camera,
before Boog could open her present. Then, we were just messing with her. We kept
telling her to wait a minute and she was about to get mad, but she
kept her cool better than I would have! Yes, I know it is wrong to torture the children! ha!

She asked for play food, which meant, I would just have to create her gift,
but my husband insisted that she have a bike too! (We won't talk about that!)

She was soooo shy, when we were singing to her! Funny!

This is the adorable bikini that my sister knitted for her.
She dressed it up with the dress up set that her sister gave her!

Sometimes we look back and wonder where the time has gone. Ok, so maybe that is most of the time! Some of you know that two of our kids are adopted. One of the adopted kids happens to be Boog. Boog came to us when she was 3 days shy of 4 months old. We were her fourth home, not fourth foster home, but fourth home just the same.

We loved her. I fell in love with her immediately! She was a short, round, little screaming mess the first day she was here! I had to take her to a visitation with me, because Scott did not want any part of it! He, honestly, was mad at me for taking her on, although he never told the worker that. So, she went to the visitation of my favorite high school coach with me that night, Nov. 14, 2006. She had cried so much when she first got to our house that she slept peacefully during the entire visitation and I wasn't the only one who loved that man, so it was hours of waiting, before I got to the front of the line. Thank God she slept!

Fast forward 6 months...

I found out I was pregnant with Meeeeema! I was dying inside, because I was petrified that they would say we had too many kids for our small house and take Boog away from me. I did not talk to the worker about it right away and when I did, I was bawling! It was a good thing she already knew I was nuts! She would have thought I was unstable and just taken her for that, otherwise! MAYBE I was? Anyway, I spent my entire pregnancy not wanting another child coming into our home to ruin the relationship we had. She was my girl.

Now, she is ROTTEN! I mean, ROTTEN! She is into everything! She is in the corner often! She is always looking at me like the rules were not written with her in mind. She also found out a few months ago that she has another mom. No sooner than she got used to that other mom coming around, she lost her, because the other mom just has too many problems to be allowed to her, or her brother, any more. I can't let them hurt and wonder all of the time. I am sure that is part of her being so rotten, but...

All this to say that she turned 4 on Saturday. She was so excited! She woke up and came into my room, where Meeeeema and I were waiting for everyone to wake up, but secretly hoping they would sleep til noon! I said, "Whose birthday is it?" She grinned and laughed a little and said, "mine!" Then, she asked me if I would say happy birthday to her! Cute, right?! She was on cloud nine all day long!

Been Working On Something...So Cute!

2010-06-30T09:48:00.000-07:00

We are leaving soon to go see my husband's mom, dad and sister (and her two kids), but I have still managed to find a little time to create something new. When I say that I found the time to make something new, what I really mean is that I am avoiding my never ending list of things that I should be doing, while I sit in the chair and watch re-runs of Roseanne, on Oxygen!

I think it is adorable! Yep, I am probably more than a little bit biased! Oh well, right?

Sorry...

2010-06-24T17:24:00.000-07:00

I am sorry that I have been a rude blog buddy lately, but about two weeks ago my sister called and said we had been offered a slot at a flea market/craft show and that it is this Sunday. There was just no way that I had enough stuff made to cover a show! So...I got to work...steadily...no, manically! I have been a crazed crocheting/sewing momma for the last two weeks! UGH! My fingers hurt! My forearms are sore! For real! Anyway, I just haven't had time to do much of anything on the computer! I really enjoy reading all of your entries, but I just haven't had the time.

I guess what I am saying is that...

I am not dead, just busy!

Have a great weekend!

Love ya!

Jamie

Convo with Bucko

2010-06-20T20:45:00.001-07:00

Earlier my husband and I were having a conversation. We were kind of messing around, talking about being "soul mates" and our son Bucko was listening to us. My husband said we are soooo in love and I started goading him...saying things like, "oh ya" and "sure we are" and my husband started getting frustrated with me.

Out of nowhere, Bucko looked at me and said, "So, is dad your brother?" I nearly died! My husband was really quick to explain to him that there is NOOOOOOOOOOO way that you can marry your sister, because it is wrong, on sooooo many levels. I couldn't say anything, because I was laughing so hard!

Where does stuff like this come from? I guess I never realized just how confusing this stuff really is for kids! To say the least, I am dumbfounded, still.

Have a great night!

A New Kick? Possibly?

2010-06-16T17:00:00.001-07:00

First off, sorry for the quality of the pics, but I was just taking them to show a lady who asked for some play food and then I thought..."what the heck? Why not send them to THE WORLD! (cue evil laughter!)" I am kind of in love with this new play food making kick that I am on!

As you can see, this is simply a "greens" salad, with radishes on top.

This little "masterpiece" is a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich!Just another view...

As my girls would say, "It's a hay may ger!"

The girls wouldn't think to tell you that this hamburger has cheese, lettuce, tomato and pickles on it too!

Value meal? If you are me, this is a veggie burger and a garden grown salad! Yay! Yep, I might be having too much fun!

I even tried making grapes, but I am not exactly impressed with them, so I didn't take any pics.

What is next on my list, you ask? Who knows! I was thinking eggs and bacon, maybe? Yep, cage free, hormone and chemical free eggs, if you are me, but eggs just the same!

Smoothie Trick

2010-06-13T07:02:00.000-07:00

Not that this is an earth shaking, ground breaking, super fantastic idea or anything, but kinda it is, so I thought I would share! Lucky you!!!

Lately, I have been making a batch of smoothie every night of the week. This means that I have been using either fresh or frozen fruit, ice and juice to make a wonderful treat for my family. But, the smoothies are not the treat, as much as my genius idea to make a little extra and freeze it in a coffee mug, for later. I just pulled out a magical mug full of chocolate covered strawberry smoothie, from earlier this week and am enjoying it as I type! Pretty good trick, huh?

Oh, you would like a few of my simple recipes you say...I guess I could be persuaded!

Chocolate Covered Strawberry Smoothie

1/2 blender of chocolate Silk
1 bag frozen strawberries

I told you it was simple! If you want, you can start with just a little liquid in the bottom of the blender, so the strawberries don't make too much of a splash and then you add the rest, as needed.

Last night we had

Peachy Lemon Smoothie

1 banana
1/2 blender of apple juice
1 lemon
1 bag frozen peaches
1 tray of ice

My Meeeeema's favorite smoothie is anything with blueberries!

1/2 bag frozen blueberries
1 lemon
2 bananas
2 trays of ice
1/2 blender of juice (we use mostly apple)

As you already know, you can use fresh, or frozen fruit. You just adjust the amount of ice you use, to get the right consistency. If you would rather have a thinner smoothie, add more juice, or less ice. It is all in what you are interested in eating! Who says you can't have your fruit and eat it too!?

What I Have Been Doing Lately...

2010-05-29T09:25:00.000-07:00

I tried my hand at the famed pillow case dress!

I think I am in love! They are so adorable!

And, easy to make, as long as you make sure the PRINT IS FACING THE RIGHT WAY! (Yes, I'm yelling again! This is the one I messed up...click for a bigger picture and a laugh on me, as you will see all the roses pointing to the floor, rather than the sky! DUMB!)

Just so you know...

2010-05-27T17:58:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, my sister has been out of surgery. The dr. told her husband that it went well. I went to see her and she was doing alright, but said she doesn't EVER want to be at the hospital again! ha! Thanks for thoughts and prayers for her today!

My Sister

2010-05-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

My sister is crazy!

My sister is amazing!

My sister is 21!

My sister broke her arm!

My sister is a clutz! (she said it, not me)

My sister is having surgery!

My sister is my biggest worry today!

So, my sister was at a stock car race the other day and somehow managed to trip on a pulley system wire and fell on her arm. She thought it was just bruised and did not go to the hospital, but decided to stay for the entire race instead. After that, she went back to the garage of the racer, whom she had gone to see, and the rest of her friends. She finally decided, at 3am that she should have it looked at, because it was more painful than a bruise should be. She found out her elbow was broken.

Yesterday was the casting appointment. It was supposed to be the normal procedure. She went in thinking she would get a pretty pink or orange, or something flashy, cast and be on her way, until 6 weeks later, when the cast would come off and her stinky flesh would be revealed! She wasn't looking forward to tying a bag around her arm, or any of the other garbage that would go along with a cast, but it would be necessary, therefore, she was planning on dealing with it.

Plans change! People aren't always ready for it, but plans certainly change! So, when she went to the Orthopedic Dr. and he said she had to have surgery, she was a little unsettled, to say the least. He told her how there would be long term ill-effects, if she did not have the procedure done. She decided that it would be for the best, in the long run, so she consented.

The surgery time was set...for today at 12:30.

I wish I could be there. I wish I could make it better, but I can't really do anything, because I have two little girls, who are not hospital friendly! They don't deserve to have to be cooped up in the hospital and the hospital does not deserve to have them there either!

I finally called her yesterday afternoon, because I could not think of anything but the surgery. It may seem like nothing, but our mom went through a lot of different procedures, having cancer and I know that hospitals don't make my sister super comfortable, because of all the memories involved. Mom died at that hospital, not because of the hospital, but in the ER, because of her cancer. It is just a lot to think about. It is a lot to deal with and I feel helpless. I don't know why it is such a big deal, other than what I just said, but it is weighing heavily on my mind.

Please pray that the surgery go well and quickly and that the recovery will be according to plan.

Thanks,

Jamie

2010-05-25T20:50:00.001-07:00

It is late.

I am tired.

But, I am enjoying the HELL out of no one needing, wanting, peeing, crying on me! I can't seem to get myself to go to bed, because quiet moments are so far and few between around here!

How was your day?

Did you do anything fun?

Yep, it was too hot here too!

Well, there's always tomorrow, right?

Good night! Or, not?!

She Was So Real

2010-05-21T05:44:00.000-07:00

She was so real. I was hugging and holding her. I was crying on her shoulder and she on mine. We were embracing so tightly, I can still feel her now, even though my son burst through my bedroom door and woke me up. He had forgotten to have his dad sign a school paper that has to be turned in today. I almost started bawling, when he woke me up, because I get so little time with her, in dreams, these days and I can't stand the thought of losing one moment.

In my dream, we were at some sort of field trip and it was time to leave. I had sat in a seat behind her all the way there and not thought a thing of it, but on the way home, it really hit me. I knew she would be gone again. I saw her smoking, with all of my aunts, on my dad's side, and I blew up! I told her not to smoke, because I don't want cancer. And, then I said I can't believe she is here, because it has been so long. She just looked at me and I said, "I know. I can't believe this has happened to me, unless it is because I can go anywhere now." She was always pretty up tight about her weight and people in general, it seemed. She would get pretty bad, maybe you would call it, anxiety and she would talk herself out of going places. I inherited that from her. Anyway, I don't know if she was trying to tell me she is everywhere now, or not, but it kind of feels that way.

This dream may have been intended as a comfort, but MAN did it make me sad! My heart is heavy. My brain is spinning! I could feel her! I want her to be with me all the time. I want to feel her again! I miss my mom so much!

Just A Few Clips Out Of The Last Week

2010-05-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

This morning I caught Boog singing, "Dog is deat, beewr is dood and people are twazy!"

This was a conversation that Meeeeema and I had yesterday afternoon.

Meeeeema: her wike a elepant!

Me: who is, me?

Meeeeema: no, Sadie is. I towd her dat.

Me: what did she do?

Meeeeema: she didn't come ova to me!

(Bottom line - girls don't like being called elephants, even if the girl is the dog!)

Conversation between BakeO and I, right after he had his teeth cleaned.

Me: No cavities?

BakeO: Nope.

Me: So, you didn't need false teeth?

BakeO: No, she already did that?

Me: So, she already gave you false teeth?

BakeO: Ya, she already flossed them!

I am stealing this!

2010-05-11T16:55:00.000-07:00

I just read this on a FaceBook ad and I am IN LOOOOVE!

Are you ready?

It is really great!

No, I promise!

It really is!

Why don't you ever believe me!?

I crochet so I don't kill people!

New Breed of Super Hero?

2010-05-08T18:02:00.000-07:00

What do you think about the new breed of super hero that I have recently discovered?

Pretty super, right?

Pretty heroic too, if I do say so myself!

Please say hello to UPSIDE-DOWN-GLASSES-SHOES-ON-BACKWARD-GIRL! She always puts safety first, or tries to, rather, considering her safety glasses keep sliding down her nose, but she doesn't seem to worried about it! She also finds that she gets better traction, in chasing after the bad guys, if she wears her shoes on the wrong feet! I guess you have to do what you have to do, if you are gonna be a super hero! I am proud to be her mom! I only hope that she will come to my rescue some day! God knows I could use a good rescue!

2010-05-01T18:42:00.000-07:00

My brother and his wife!

My family, on my dad's side. There are definitely members missing though.

My Aunt Debbie's remains.

I am very tired of having cancer rip my family apart, but at the same time, I have not seen most of them in almost 6 years, so in some ways, it has brought us together. What a sad way to get together! It rained a decent amount of the time we were there, but I guess I expected it.

I was SO happy to see my brother, Brian. I was also very happy to see my cousin, Braxton! I don't remember seeing him any time sooner than 15 years ago, which was at my grandma's funeral! I may be wrong on that, but that is the last time I remember it. I got to meet his two little girls, and my brother's children. That was nice. I just hate that it was surrounded by death.

I have a little girl missing me A LOT, so I guess that is all for now. I just wanted to share a little bit, before I got too overwhelmed with life to do so!

I hope you are all doing well!

Jamie

My Birthday...

2010-04-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

I am really not trying to overdo the fact that my birthday was Saturday. I usually don't even tell people until it has past, because it is easier that way. With the invention of FaceBook, I was unable to avoid telling anyone, because it told them for me. Anyway...

I started the day off with my sister and two friends. We went to a few yarn shops and then we went to a "green store" and then we were off to eat lunch. I have recently dropped meat, almost completely (again, that is a whole other story), so my friend, K, decided that we should find some place that would "cater" to my eating habits. Finally, after that did not seem to be so easy to do, I told her I could eat anywhere. I would just find something and make it work, because almost every place has salad and salad and I are friends, so it is relatively easy for me. Anyway, we decided on a place named KoFusion, because we were STARVING, or atleast I was, and it was close!

KoFusion was a really interesting place. When we walked in, there were blue lights throughout, mood lighting if you will. It had fish tanks with color changing lights accenting each tank. It offered a small variety of Asian foods. I do NOT like fish and I was NOT going to eat any that day either! GUH ROSS! But, there was vegetarian stir fry, so I decided to order that. Everyone else ordered fishy, creepy foods to try. Adventurous girls, to say the least! I quickly found out that my sister and M were both willing to eat my mushrooms, so I started unloading them like a 4 year old, onto anything but my plate! UGH! We enjoyed our meal and decided that there was nothing more for us at KoFusion.

After leaving KoFusion, we headed off in search of a little dessert. Afterall, calories don't count on birthdays! It is a known fact! We hit a nearby bakery. There was an assortment of treasures there! I was looking for fruit smoothies, but apparently they are not quite in season yet. Funny, my household has been drinking them for a week now. I did not argue, I graciously ordered a mint chocolate chip gelato instead. Man, that stuff was good! My sister and friends ordered something too and we quickly made our exit.

We decided to head home, until an art show caught the eye of K. She asked if we wanted to go. I was a little reluctant, because I knew my husband was up to something, but was not sure what and I knew it involved grandma, who won't travel after dark, so I was a little worried we would be there too long, but after talking to him, I let my desire to see the art overtake my worries, in an emotional decision. It paid off, I guess, because it was very interesting to view all of the different art on display. The art show was called, something like, Artists Against Aids, I believe. There were many different items on display. Most were awe inspiring and wonderful. Some made a girl wanna say, "hmmm?"

When we left the art show, we headed for home. We had to drop M back off at her car and then we went to pick grandma up, before heading home. Grandma made me come in and get the birthday cake she had baked for me. That would have been wonderful and sweet, but somehow I managed to get chocolate frosting all over my shirt! Leave it to me!

I forgot to mention just how stressed I had been all day, because I knew my husband had spent WAAAAY too much money on my birthday. I was really worried that I was going to have to kill him! I was really, really worried about it! Alllllll daaaaaay loooong, I was worried!

We got to my house. K dropped my sister and I off and went back to get her youngest daughter, so they could come back to the house for the simple celebration my husband had planned. We waited until K and R got back and then we did the cake and presents thing. All the while, I warned my husband that he would be dead...dead....dead! I really meant that, until I saw what my gift was. I was blindsided in the best way possible.

I have had rolls and rolls of undeveloped film for years, more than 10 years to be honest, and he knew how much it had bothered me knowing that pictures of mom were on there. I was always worried that she would be lost, because the film would be too old, or something like that. I knew she was on them. I miss her so much and her life was on those rolls. It was literally heartbreaking, but we just had many other needs that film developing, so I left them in my closet. He snatched them up one day last week and went on a mission to get them all developed. There was no place that developed in any less than a week, so finally, Friday afternoon he took them to Walgreens and did the 1-hour developing, which turned into overnight, because there were so many of them. You all know how much 1 hour anything costs, but it really, really made my day! I was in tears for a few minutes and sobbing for few more and then we all sat down and went through all of the pictures we had been missing.

I told him that night that something as simple as film developing is probably the best gift I have EVER had!

I really enjoyed that day!

Thanks, Scott! I know you will be sneaking on here and you will see this before too long! I really means the world to me!

Today

2010-04-24T05:47:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday. It is no big production. It never has been, nor has it needed to be. Today I am going to run off with friends for a while and enjoy a day with only those taller than 5'. That alone is a comforting thought.

Today I woke up feeling ok, although my first thought, as it probably always will be for the rest of my life, was that my mom won't be here to share it with me. I wasn't really freaked out waking up that way, but I had the fleeting thought, so now, there it is, tucked into my brain for the day and probably many of the coming days. I guess birthdays, holidays and many other significant days will always be bitter sweet for some reason or other.

Today we will be celebrating in some small way, when I come home from spending the day out with my friends. We are going to grandma's to eat the FABulous chocolate cake that she sent me a phone pic of! Yep, my 76 year old grandma is a mad-texting granny, to say the least! She sent me a really up close pic of chocolate frosting yesterday, saying that was my cake and that I had to come get it! ha! What a great way to lure in house guests! So, that is on the agenda, EAT CAKE!

We will be "completing this day" with frozen pizzas and salads! I will tell you more later as to why the frozen pizzas are such a big deal, but for now, I must jump in the shower, or I am going nowhere today!

I hope you all have a great day too!

Oh, wait, I forgot to mention the best part of my day! Waking up to two restless dogs with a creepy pile of vomit in the cage they sleep in had to be the BEST part of my day, hands down! Oh well, I guess that means the rest of the day really will be cake!

Some Days...

2010-04-20T06:06:00.000-07:00

Some days, my kids follow me around like this!

Some days, I watch over them like this!

Some days, my brain feels like this!

Some days, I look like this!

Some days, I feel like this! (this fish is still alive, do not be alarmed! ha!)

Crowded Bathroom And I Don't Mean Public!

2010-04-09T13:34:00.000-07:00

Ah, as usual, I had the two littlest kids in the bathroom today. Meeeema and Boog. Both of them are a little too interested in what I do, while in the shower, so keep that in mind as you take a look into my world, please!

First off, I nearly had to drag Meeeema into the bathroom, as she shouted out the proclamation, "I not tating a towa!" I peeled her clothes off quickly and tossed her into the newly turned on shower water, while I gathered the items that are needed to complete a full blown carwash, I mean showering, experience in my house! To which she said in a startled shriek, "Da wata ids too cowld!" about a billion times! Finally, she conceded to stand there, I guess that means the water temp. regulated, as it always does. She seemed content splashing around in the shower water.

Quickly, I slipped off my pajamas and jumped in too. I got in front of her and since my presence very nearly blocks out the sun, she was pretty sure that she would surely die, before the water could reach her again! I quickly went through the motions of washing my hair, twice, and washing up too. I ended my time in the water by putting conditioner in my tangled mess of hair and turned the shower water back over to her. I washed her up too and left her to rinse.

While I shaved my stubble-covered legs, Meeeema enjoyed having all of the water to herself, again. She was shocked, as was Boog who sat patiently outside the shower, when I suddenly yowled in pain! I had nicked my ankle. "What wrong, mommy?" she squeaked. "Oh, nothing, I cut myself," I said, still frustrated by the burning sensation. I went to on tell them that is why they are NEVER to touch my razors, because it is easy to get cut, unless you know what you are doing, apparently I am not in the know! Right about the time that I thought I had gotten through to both of the, by way of mortification, Boog said, "Ya, I'b not donna have razas until I'b in pirst drade! When I'b in pirst drade, I will be a bid durl!" "Oh, no, no, no, I retorted! Not a chance! You will not have razors in first grade, so don't even think it!" I wanted to laugh, but I knew that would only encourage her!

Pray for me!

Jamie

2010-04-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

Feeling very hollow,

Feeling very light,

Feeling like less and less of me, is anywhere in sight.

Feeling like I wonder,

Feeling like I'm under,

All these things I think I feel, somewhere in my mind.

Then again, are these the things that are eating me alive,

Or is there something, something else that I must try to find?

Something lurking in the depths, and cobwebs, of my soul?

A thing so strong and unobscured by the thoughts that I control?

And, yet, I dig down deep inside,

Ignoring all the rest,

Of the thoughts stored in my mind,

For I think that it is best.

Feeling Lonely

2010-04-02T17:48:00.000-07:00

Do you ever recognize the exact moment that the sadness washes over you? Well, my husband and I were out for a walk, with the two youngest, tonight and I was talking about all of the "old times" type things that I miss. I said I miss the old school building that has since been torn down. As we walked up to the old school playground, I could remember running for track practice, around that block. It really put me on the spot and took me right back to that time.

I instantly found myself sharing my feelings with my husband. He agreed that he missed the school and the coach who coached us in track. As we walked a little farther, I said I missed some other things from that time frame, probably because life was so much simpler then. He agreed with that too. He said something about wishing the kids would realize that life is so simple, when you are a kid.

Less than a block from home, I said that I had my mom then too. Why does she have to be gone? Why can't she still be here? It hit me and, at that very moment, I suddenly felt a wave of sadness so deep that I am not sure I can shake it. I just feel sad and lonely. I feel like I am missing something. To be clear, I am not slumped over in a pile of indifference, I am merely trapped in the middle of a feeling that I can not release. I miss her very much. My brain has a hard time believing it sometimes. I believe it today. I wish I could shut my brain off and pretend it was not so, but alas, it is.

I am sad.

Wonderful Weather

2010-03-31T11:15:00.001-07:00

We have been enjoying some really wonderful weather. I have been taking the girls outside and for walks every day! I have been walking 2 miles a day, nearly every nice day. I am looooooving it! I am so in love with every new sprig that I see and every bloomed perennial that I come across.

My husband and I were talking the other day and we are both somewhat befuddled by our new INSANE love for the ending of winter and all that comes with it! I don't ever remember feeling so in love with the nice days and sunshine, as I am this year. I am simply euphoric over the lot of it! It is almost a little crazy. That should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me, the crazy part, I mean!

I can't put my finger on it, but something has given me an absolute lust for life and I am loving it! Loving it! Loving it!

I hope you are too!

Denim Blessings!!!

2010-03-23T21:18:00.000-07:00

We were blessed today! Even the simplest things can be a blessing and I want to be sure and express my thanks! We were out walking with five of the kids when a friend's husband asked my husband if he would mind carrying a good sized bag of little girl clothes home. I said we could put them in the stroller and we all agreed that that would be ok. The stroller was weighted down on our return home, but it was SO SERIOUSLY worth it! YAY! Thanks again to the wonderful lady for thinking of us and thanks to her sister's twins for growing so quickly! ha!

2010-03-19T06:13:00.000-07:00

First off, let me say, I am loving the sunshine! I love it so much that I am in the spirit of trying to make some new little clothes for my youngest girls.

Meeeeema is modeling a little skirt that I made for her and a shirt that I crocheted. Boog is patiently waiting for her shirt and skirt, or maybe not so paitiently!

This is a second little skirt that I made up really quickly, when I was on a roll from making the first one! So simple, so cute, so SUMMER!

Life and Death...

2010-03-17T13:41:00.000-07:00

Today is my niece's birthday.

She would have been 6.

Her hair was nearly black and she had bright, sparkling eyes.

She would have been 6.

She had a sweet, mystifying smile.

She would have been 6.

She had so little time to live.

She would have been 6.

Who knows what she would have had to give.

She would have been 6.

Her life was truly a gift.

She would have been 6.

Some Happy For Momma B!

2010-03-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

Playing monster with daddy!

First ice cream cone like a big girl!

Plumb tuckered out!

How is that for a happy post! Yay! I'm back! I feel like I have been so negative, but I really haven't wanted to be. I just feel like so much has been bad. Bring on the good stuff! Spring and new life are just around the corner!

Things Are Seemingly Getting More Normal Again, I Think?

2010-03-14T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well, I think life is starting to normalize again, but I am not exactly sure.

I am just kind of creeping around all life's corners wondering what will hit next.

I am not trying to be a coward, but I am damned tired of being slapped in the face all the time!

I am starting to feel like every right turn is really the wrong one, in disguise.

I hope that this is not the new normal.

I hope things are going to be the way they should be soon.

I am looking for things to "look up."

I like the ride, sometimes, but if it keeps going the way it has been, I am going to look for a different one!

I have had it with all the despair and death and sadness.

I am ready for something good to happen!

Out Of Sorts, AGAIN!

2010-03-08T16:33:00.001-08:00

I am getting really tired of feeling like I don't know what to think! Does that make sense? Well, it should! I am completely insane, after all!

It goes a little something like this...my cousin, on my dad's side, decided that life was not working out for him, so he gave up. He ended his life. I don't know how else to say it.

The tragic side of this is that he was the father of one girl, with a first wife and the father of 4 boys with the second. I am really lost at the thought of all of these kids living with out their dad, but better yet, two of them are old enough to know what happened and why he is gone. It is very painful.

Children take everything to heart, so what message will this convey?

Don't get me wrong, I am sorry that he is gone. Judging from the visitation, there are many who are already missing him. I know I will be very sad every time I see the little boys, who all seem to look so much like their daddy, because they will be yet another reminder of him.

I feel for his siblings. I feel very sad for his brother, who was so lost and sad without him. His sisters were a few years older than him, but that doesn't mean that they don't feel the sting of his death. And, what about his many nieces and nephews? How will family functions work? The little ones who won't understand, but will ask about him anyway...what a shame.

And, if you are in the position where you think your life is not worth it, by all means, ask someone who loves you! Give them a chance to change your mind, before you do something drastic! PLEASE!

Life is precious, handle with care!

Live life like you won't get much more time.

Love deeply and truly, even if it isn't always perfect!

Rest in peace, Jack! May God have mercy on your soul!

Love,

Me

Let There Be Light

2010-03-03T17:29:00.000-08:00

We have light over the kitchen table, or where it will be anyway! It is getting more and more exciting all the time!

Do you see the bare concrete walls in the background? Well, they are not a part of regular part of the scenery. It is what our house is constructed of...concrete block!

Check It Out!

2010-02-28T10:17:00.001-08:00

Check out my most recent post to my pic-o-blog! It is over here...

http://mommabpicoblog.blogspot.com/2010/02/dust-cyclone-or-kitchen-remodel.html

A Memory Quilt For My Friend

2010-02-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

I made a memory quilt for my friend. Her son died in 2008. It is hard enough to lose a mom or dad, but a child? Losing a child has to be the worst possible pain! I am not really able to compare my loss to hers, or to take that pain away for her, but I am able to make these simple wall-hanging sized quilts to possibly help ease the pain, so I was thrilled when her husband asked for one to be made for her. I had asked her, for quite some time, to let me know when she was ready for me to make one, but him asking meant I just got to do it, so that helped the process along a bit! Anyway, my sister has been asking to see a pic, so I went to her house today and took one.

Enough is Enough!

2010-02-23T18:57:00.000-08:00

This is me. This is raw, so you have been warned. I don't plan on being nice or holding back. I am on the edge now and I am not doing this any more!

I am pissed! I am so pissed! I am so damned tired of dealing with cancer. I can't f'ing stand it any more! I am tired of waking up and wondering which relative will die next! I am not exaggerating! I am so damned serious! I have lost my mom, her brother, my dad's brother and now his sister is dying as well, all to cancer. Not to mention, my paternal grandma and two of my great uncles, all to cancer. It f@#king sucks! My grandma has had cancer. My great aunt had cancer. Two of my grandma's brothers have cancer right now, if I understand everything right!

I am so tired of thinking about overactive cells. Why can't they just do what the hell they are supposed to and divide normally? Who invited this shit? Why my family? Why any family? I mean, really? Where are the treatments that work? Where are the answers? Who is in charge of this shit? Where can I get in touch with that person?

NO, I don't blame God. I don't and I won't! I know that we go through many things in life that are not happy or wonderful or great, but WTF? Really? All of us have battles. All of us have scars, but why so many? Why so much? Why me doesn't cross my mind, but why anyone? I have had it! I am tired of trying to make sense! I am tired of trying to reason! I want my mom and no one can make that happen! I am tired of it! I am done!

You know, the other day, my 10 year old daughter asked me if I thought I would ever get cancer. I looked at her and said, "you want to know what I really think?" She did want to know, so I told her, "I really don't think I will get cancer." I also told her that if I thought it would keep my kids from getting cancer I would gladly give my life in exchange. I don't ever want one of my kids to "get back a bad test result," or "find a lump!" I can't take the way the thought of one of them getting sick makes me feel! I also told her that if I don't get cancer, their risk might be lower. I also hate that my kids have the cancer monkey on their backs already. They don't know so much of the pain, but they do know that it upsets me. They know that anyone can get it and in our family it is more like almost everyone. Bullshit! Bullshit!

My family does not deserve such desperate sadness! The despair does not overtake me, but it has been getting pretty thick lately. I am swallowing back sadness too often lately. Since December 09 I have lost an uncle on both sides and now my aunt is on her death bed, quite literally.

I am done. I have had it. The war still rages. My heart is broken. My mind is spent. My fury is worse than hell! I am done! Game over! FUCK YOU CANCER!

One Thing..

2010-02-23T13:47:00.000-08:00

This is just one of the things that has been keeping me so busy!

It is a fringe blanket.

I was asked to make one, for a photographer that I work with from time to time. I was then told by a friend that I should make some for my Etsy store. It takes about 6-8 hours to complete one, depending on how cooperative the girls are. Today's blanket was fairly easy. Some days...

Easter baskets, kids, and small quilts have also been on the list of what is keeping me so busy. Not to mention cleaning up the dust my husband creates as he replaces our kitchen floor, windows, soon to be dry wall and lighting! So, not much, really!

I just wanted you all to know I meant I was busy and I am, but not that I am on the verge of diving off the deepend or anything! ha!

Abset minded

2010-02-23T09:04:00.001-08:00

Absent minded?

Absent blogger?

Absent mommy?

I have been feeling absent in a lot of ways lately. There is a lot going on in my world lately, but I just feel like I have not really be in on a lot of it. I don't know where my head has been. I think maybe I just have too much to do! Maybe?

How are all of you?

Love

2010-02-19T06:07:00.001-08:00

I think this is my new love! Isn't it just adorable? I had a little creative help from Sandy at www.sandyscapecodorig.etsy.com !!!

Thanks, Sandy!

For Those Of You Who Are Not On My FB

2010-02-14T17:14:00.000-08:00

I say to you, "Valentine's Day, Schmalentine's Day!"

What's For Supper?!

2010-02-10T16:19:00.000-08:00

A puzzled little girl wants to know if you can guess what we had for supper?!

Don't look at the noodles on her belly, because that wouldn't be fair!

Oh, see, now she's pleased to hear that you guessed right!

We had spaghetti! Thanks for playing our game!

Something I have been working on!

2010-02-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

Warning! This is a run-on mess! I just want to make sure you know that you may have crossed eyes, by the time you are done reading!

Ok, so to be clear, this is something I have been putting together, but not something that was mine from start to finish. I will not take credit that is not due to me. A friend of a friend was looking for someone to complete a quilt. She only had the tops of two quilts, actually, and had been holding on to them, since the sweet lady from church who came up with such a great work of art passed away. I told her I would look at them. I am a serious quilter in training! I have only worked on small lap sized quilts, but I thought I might be up for it, so I had her send them my way. Sadly, that was just over a year ago. Yep, I'm a jerk! My Meeeema was about 9 months old when I got them. I knew right away that I would not be able to do one of them, because it was polyester and I would have no idea how that would work up, so I just bowed out of that one, but the other one was normal cotton fabric, so I told her I would try it. I have had it tucked away in my craft cabinet for a LONG time and I think it was just after Christmas 09 that I decided to pull it out and get to work. I had the lady get the rest of the supplies that I would need and got started. I got the quilt batting and back on it, with relative ease, even though I am not used to anything of this size. Then, I started quilting the individual hearts on the material. I was not doing everyone, rather one about every 6 inches and it was VERY tedious work! VERY TEDIOUS WORK! Anyway, I decided to take it a few at a time, so I would not kill my eyes in the process. Each heart took about 8 minutes to quilt around and there were probably 100-150 of them to do. Maybe more, but I would not dare go back and try to count them now! UGH! Anyway, I did 5-10 of them one day and then quite a few another day and then back to 5-10 for several more days and then I stopped and did the quilt a few posts back. Then, I don't know what happened, but I woke up Saturday with a determination. A determination to finish this quilt, no matter what it took and that is just what I did! I worked on it from 8a.m. almost clear through to 5p.m.! I quilted almost half of those little tiny hearts in that time and I put the binding on it to! Man, I was exhausted after that, but I AM DONE! I am so excited! Something that big is a real challenge and I was able to complete it! It isn't perfect, but it sure it neat! The little lady had a very big heart! That's for sure! The squares were not all square, but I did the best I could with what she had started. I will be giving it back to its owner on Feb 21st, which is when I will actually be meeting her...can't wait!

Check it out!

Prayer Shawls

2010-02-04T11:15:00.000-08:00

These are nothing major, or out of the ordinary, but rather a very simple way to let someone know you care. I have been asked, by my pastor, to make some prayer shawls, so that when someone needs a little extra love, or falls ill, or loses a loved one, the church can give them out.

I like them. How about you? If so, you could make your own and donate them to your church!

2000!

2010-01-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

Hey, I just got home from the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class and I happened to look at my blog, only to notice I have had 2000 clicks on my clicker! YAY! No big deal? Maybe not, but I think it is pretty sweet!

Hope you are all having wonderful night!

I hope you all feel loved, feel love toward others and are just plain enjoying life, afterall, that's what it's all about, right?!

Doing Something Nice...

2010-01-28T16:54:00.000-08:00

Sometimes doing something nice for someone is not something they will ever even know you have done, if that makes any sense?! Well, I made a quilt, because I saw a request on a fellow blogger's blog. She was asking for ideas for a gift for her husband's aunt. I responded that I would love to make something for them, even though I will never come into contact with the person the quilt is intended for.

I crochet, but I also make memory quilts (quilts with pictures of a lost loved one), but I rarely get the chance to just make a regular quilt, so I suggested that I could make her a lap quilt. I was really happy, when she said she would like that. It makes me feel overwhelmingly joyful, when I think I can do something to make someone happy, but this someone is suffering from breast cancer, just as my own mom did. The recipient has had a very rough go of her treatment and Christina wants to make sure she knows how they care for her and how much they want her to get better, FASSSSSSST! I am brokenhearted every time I hear that another person is suffering from cancer, so this was the project for me!

Anyway, I know I am rambling and rattling, but I can't help it! This project is just another step in emotional healing for me, but it is painful at the same time! I guess it is hard to explain, but working through sadness is not always easy. I know this every time I begin a project. I am thankful for the projects, no matter how hard they might be at the time.

Being able to do something nice for someone is what I believe to be part of my purpose here. I appreciate having a purpose other than dishes, laundry, toilet cleaning, and sweeping!

This is a fairly close view, but the quilt was not quite finished yet.

Just Call Me Lucy

2010-01-28T14:18:00.001-08:00

This is the only way I can think of to let you know, that your blog will not allow comments, even though it has a place for comments. I tried to click on several of your posts and none of them will allow me to comment.

THANKS!

Locks of Love!

2010-01-28T14:02:00.001-08:00

Meeeeema and Boog, after a big day is Boog's little life! Today, we cut her hair and sent it to Locks of Love!

That ponytail signifies hair for a child without it, for whatever reason, and it makes my day that she could do something so great for someone else!

And, get this, her hair gets to go to SUNNY FLORIDA! I think you should get to go there with your hair! ha! Maybe it is just a little too cold here these days!

I feel sick.

2010-01-27T14:02:00.001-08:00

As I sit in my chair, working on the project for a blogging friend's sick family member, a Susan G. Kommen 3 day breast cancer walk commercial comes on. No big deal, right? Every time I see a commercial like that, it affects me, but this time I heard something just right and it SMACKED ME RIGHT IN THE FACE! The girl holds up a pic of her mom and says, "I never really got to have a say as to whether or not I wanted to lose my mom, now, I feel like I have had my say." I just wept. SUCKS! I know exactly how that girl feels, which is why I make quilts for those who have lost and those who are sick. I do the only little thing that I can to help someone heal. It helps me heal a little too, but right now, I feel sick!

My Boog...

2010-01-25T05:41:00.000-08:00

My Boog has a tendancy to ask the SAME EXACT QUESTIONS every day of the week! The other day she came up with a new one, so I'll share.

Please keep in mind, she was talking about the color of our toothbrushes. There are so many of us that there is an entire rainbow of toothbrush colors!

"Mommy?" she says.

"Yes, Boog?" I answer.

"What pink ids dis one, blue?"

"Um, sure Boog, dis, I mean, this pink is blue?. (Of course it is, what other pink would it be?!) No, this one is purple, Boog," I say feeling like I have missed something!

I think she got a little confused, but by then, so did I, so I just let it go and brushed her teeth!

Happy Monday (#$&#!) everyone!

I have probably said this before, but...

2010-01-18T17:31:00.000-08:00

I have probably said this before, but I am pretty sure that the school needs to start checking with me, before adding holidays, teacher workshops/institutes, or any other general days off! I have haaaaaaaaaaaaad it! And, no, it is not because I don't love my kids, or want them around, but it is more because I need my routine to remain the same waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than the kids do! It really messes me up, when they are home on odd days! They had a 4 day weekend. They just had two snow days just one week after Christmas break was over! I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed my routine!

Yes, I am WHINING! AGAIN!!

BIG BIG GIRL!

2010-01-14T09:57:00.001-08:00

This little big girl has been pee pants free since yesterday morning! She is doing her best and doing great! She still wears a diaper at nap time and bed time and probably will for quite a while, but she has not made pee foot prints across the living room floor in the last two days and that is quite an accomplishment!

The picture above is what she does when she is left to decide what she wears! This is Bucko's shirt and her pajama pants, carefully coupled with some brightly colored socks! New fashion craze? Could be!

Look What We Did!

2010-01-14T09:44:00.001-08:00

The girls got new tutus in the mail today! I think they are so sweet! A friend though they needed them to showcase some of the items I have been crocheting. They are SO CUTE!

Why Is It?

2010-01-13T15:29:00.001-08:00

Why is it that someone needs my help and I feel like there is nothing I can do for her?

A lady in my small town needs me to watch her foster child. That should be easy enough. Right? Nice try, but I have two small children at home all day long and one of them is SO much work! She constantly freaks out, whenever she is expected to follow any rules. She is more work than I have ever had any of my kids be! She defies all rules. She ignores my voice. She screams and yells and flops and flips and it drives me nuts. I am serious. I have not mentioned it before, because she rarely does any of this around anyone but me, or my family anyway. Lately, it seems to be getting worse. She is freaking out when I am on the phone. She is banging her head against the wall and kicking and hitting things. I am at my wits end! I really am. Especially now, when I feel like my friend needs me the most. I know that she is missing work, day after day, because she can not come up with a sitter. I also know that I can't handle any more, so why do I feel so bad? I am beside myself.

Sorry to dump this here, but I needed to get it off my chest!

Jamie

Oh, what a day!

2010-01-07T19:11:00.000-08:00

Somebody is working on being a big girl!

She has been "potty training," but only on her terms.

I have not set any real standards as far as chasing after her, so it is just when she wants to,

until today! Yesterday, we got her some

"bid durl unaware!"

She has worn four of the six new pairs today!

Yep, you counted right! That means three accidents, but that isn't too bad!

I am impressed, for the most part!

She pees puddles, that I am not nuts about, but other than that, she is doing great!

So, Now What?

2010-01-07T09:52:00.000-08:00

So, some of you already know that my uncle died. After all the confusion has died down, I know now that my mom's brother, grandma's only remaining child, died in the hospital Tuesday morning after a strange episode where he threw up blood on the roof he was working on and then came down only to collapse and lose consciousness. Are you with me so far? I don't really know in what sense he lived until Tuesday morning, whether it was by respirator or hanging by a thread, but that is what they tell me he did, so I will just go with it. Either way, he is gone and my grandma is devastated.

Let's back this train up a few cars...Grandma's first child was carried to term and thought to be a healthy child. Everything was going according to schedule, but it turns out that grandma needed a c-section and an attempted suicide was taken care of first. Grandma's baby died inside of her. In my mind, that is enough pain for any one person to EVER have to endure.

Moving ahead, she is blessed with a son and then a daughter, within about 18 months of each other. I would have to guess that it wasn't always easy, but that she was happy. She is a fairly mild mannered lady and was a great grandma to me and my kids too! Her children's dad was not worth the cloth he was made of, but her kids made her happy! Her son, my uncle Michael and her daughter, my mom, grew up quickly, as all kids do.

All to early, her daughter had me and then my 4 siblings. Grandma loved us and was good to us, from all that I can ever remember. My uncle moved away and started his life in another state. He soon married and had two sons of his own. He also had a son, whom he never had a life with, for many reasons, but mostly because he was not good to the boys mother. I guess you would say he made the choice. Anyway, life continued on and my uncle and his wife divorced and she took care of their two boys. He was not good to her either. (I believe he had a drug abuse problem for much of his life.) It was sad for us, because we truly loved her! She never lost touch with my mom. She is a very sweet and wonderful person. (I am getting sidetracked!)

Along with all stories of life, there comes death. My 3 1/2 month old niece died and it was really hard on our entire family, but grandma absorbed the shock of this great loss and carried on.

Next, my uncle's oldest son, with whom he had no life, was so distraught over the loss of his friend, to cancer, that he missed a stop sign on his way home and was t-boned and instantly killed. I am sure my uncle was hurt by this, because he did not even know anything about it, until it was over with, as far as funeral arrangements go. He did not make himself available to any of us. We did not even have a number for him. Grandma, who had moved to a neighboring state with her husband, not their father, again absorbed the shock of the loss of a grandchild. During the same time, my mom was battling breast cancer at the age of 42.

The next big loss my grandma endured was the loss of her husband. He had leukemia and died fairly quickly. She was sad and alone. She moved in to my mom's house. She seemed to recover well, from his loss. Being able to be with mom again seemed to make her feel better.

Just about two years later, her worst fears were realized, when my mom got cancer back, only it was in her liver, which is all but incurable. She died in 2007. My grandma was lost. She had lost her husband just about a year before. She was just lost. It was the saddest thing I have ever gone through.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago...
My uncle's ex-wife said my uncle had called her and asked about mom and grandma. She had to tell him mom died, all that time ago. She said he cried. She said he wanted to know about grandma and she gave him grandma's numbers. He did not call. He did not call. He did not have his own number. He had a work number. That was all. So, she could not just call him.

Tuesday morning grandma called me so upset. She was crying so hard. She was so sad. She told me that had died. The weeping of a distraught 75 year old woman who literally lost all of her children is gut-wrenching! It seems wrong. She said she feels like Job. I can see why she feels that way. It just hurts to know she is hurting so much!

So, what is one to do, when it feels like you are blessed to have lived 75 years and cursed to have lived to see your children die? Persevere, that's what! She is doing her best. My sister and I got her out yesterday, because she needed to do something. Once she accomplished what she had on her list, we took her out for a little mindless "shopping" and enjoyed the time away from reality.

Today she has called me a few times to tell me what is going on with the "arrangements." None of us can afford to have him transported, so he must be cremated. He will be returned to grandma at some point. His boys and his ex-wife, a.k.a. Aunt Jackie, will come and see us and we will have a memorial. The really sad thing is that their youngest boy just graduated from high school and is starting his second semester of college. He never really knew his dad. What must he be thinking? What about the older son? What does he think? How does he feel? I am sorry for them too. It all makes me sad.

I know this is long. I am sorry that I poured my brain onto the page, but this pain is not simple to swallow. I have lost too many family members, almost all to cancer. I am tired of it. I am sickened by it! It is really hard to deal with and I don't need help being crazy!

I hope you are doing well. I hope your new year is starting off the way you had hoped.

Jamie

Some New Things I Have Been Making!

2010-01-03T16:58:00.001-08:00

These are just two little cuties that I have been working on for my Etsy page! I think they will make great treat bags, card holders, teacher gifts and probably just about anything else, for Valentine's day! This little bag could even hold a ring box, if you get my drift!

I Made Something Tasty!

2010-01-03T16:48:00.000-08:00

Look, I made something tasty for supper last night! I just really wanted to show you pics of me actually using the wonderful dish that was given to me by caring neighbors! And, I also wanted to gloat about what you can't see, which is that this momma made a second pan with a different kind of noodles, so as to pass it off as a different supper tonight, rather than having to cook both nights of the weekend! Yay ME!

Out With The Old...

2009-12-31T07:43:00.001-08:00

You know, I really don't know how I feel about the coming of the new year. I am not one, honestly, to make a decision to change/renew/redo something and then wait until the new year to put that plan in motion, so I don't know what a new year really changes for me. It is not my birthday, so I am not suddenly one year older. It is not much of anything for me. It is just a new day. And, the start of a new year. So, I guess that means it is what it is and nothing more.

Is that sad? Is that wrong? Is that ok?

Who knows?

To those who make changes, at the start of the new year, good luck! If I can help, let me know, I will do my best to do so. For those who do not start anything new at the beginning of the new year, good luck to you too!

To all of you out there, with each new day, make the best of the life God has given you! I know I am trying to, even if I don't always succeed! I am only human, after all!

Be careful, be safe, and be you, in the coming new year!

Love, Jamie

Big #2!

2009-12-28T17:11:00.001-08:00

Look whose awake!?

Already feeling sassy!

She refuses to look at me!

This evening when I got home from getting some groceries and a little birthday present, we had tiny cupcakes and ice cream to celebrate Meeeeema turning two!

This is so funny! She is trying on her new shirt!

Eating her baby cake!

She is showing me she is 2!

Mommy's littlest big girl!

2009-12-25T21:27:00.001-08:00

Christmas is almost over. I was shutting off my phone, to go to bed, and it just hit me that Christmas is almost over and I am sad to see it go. Until next year, farewell Christmas! May your spirit of good tidings and cheer remain in our hearts, until we meet again!

2009-12-23T20:05:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!

2009-12-21T18:49:00.000-08:00

It is almost here and I am ALMOST prepared!

How are all of you doing?

Checking things off that list?

Have the preparations been made?

Are you on the naughty list, or the nice list? Me too!

Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

More Kiddie Speak

2009-12-18T08:00:00.001-08:00

Now, first off, I want to say that the only thing making ANY noise at all in my house right now, is the washing machine. With that said, I present you with a kiddie dialogue from literally 37 seconds ago...

"What's dat?" Meeeema asked in a very puzzled and half nervous voice.

"Nothing," I said.

Again, she says, "What's dat?"

Boog replies, "Oh, dat, it's da wind!"

All the while, I am telling myself that it is not the wind, because there is no wind, right now!

Then, I realize she is talking about the washing machine, which happens to be on spin cycle, so I tell her that is it the washing machine.

"Wating kachine?" Meeeeema questions.

"Yep, it's da wating matine," Boog says, like she just solved a mystery!

Meeeeema, apparently settling into the fact that Boog just solved the world's problems by finding the source of the noise, says, "Oh, da wating kachine!"

I think they should come with a language chart! Meeeeema and I almost had a war over the fact that she could not find her "gubs" one day and it really took me a while to figure out that she wanted her mittens. Also, you should have been here when she wanted "kakick," which happens to be chapstick, for those who don't speak kidese! It is amazing that I have made it this far!

Have a great day!

What Do YOU Do?

2009-12-16T09:16:00.000-08:00

First off, let me start by defending my parenting skills, because what I am about to tell you will be appalling, at best! I do not normally do anything of the sort, but in this instance, I had to make the best of the situation, so I did!

So, I put my almost 2 year old Meeeeema into the high chair, so I can get breakfast for her, Boog and myself. And, when I got her all settled in, I asked her what she wanted to eat. She reached her meaty little finger out and said, "tips," to which I replied, "CHIPS?" She said, "yep!" I said, "Not in the morning, not for breakfast?" She immediately decided that I had it all wrong and said, again, "tips!" I said, "You know what, chips it is!" So, I sat down next to her and we had chips! After we had chips, she consented to eating a bowl of cereal and I had a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter on it!

Boog hadn't even stopped petting the dog yet, so she did not know what was going on, or she would want chips again tomorrow, but that is probably a whole other problem!

This Just In!

2009-12-16T07:27:00.000-08:00

Boog says, "I wike two and I wike sree and I wike pour and I wike eight!"

"Really?" I asked.

"Yep, and I wike mashed tatatos!" she replied.

Can someone please tell me what just happened there? I am still lost!