2000!

Hey, I just got home from the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class and I happened to look at my blog, only to notice I have had 2000 clicks on my clicker! YAY! No big deal? Maybe not, but I think it is pretty sweet!

Hope you are all having wonderful night!

I hope you all feel loved, feel love toward others and are just plain enjoying life, afterall, that's what it's all about, right?!

Doing Something Nice...

Sometimes doing something nice for someone is not something they will ever even know you have done, if that makes any sense?! Well, I made a quilt, because I saw a request on a fellow blogger's blog. She was asking for ideas for a gift for her husband's aunt. I responded that I would love to make something for them, even though I will never come into contact with the person the quilt is intended for.

I crochet, but I also make memory quilts (quilts with pictures of a lost loved one), but I rarely get the chance to just make a regular quilt, so I suggested that I could make her a lap quilt. I was really happy, when she said she would like that. It makes me feel overwhelmingly joyful, when I think I can do something to make someone happy, but this someone is suffering from breast cancer, just as my own mom did. The recipient has had a very rough go of her treatment and Christina wants to make sure she knows how they care for her and how much they want her to get better, FASSSSSSST! I am brokenhearted every time I hear that another person is suffering from cancer, so this was the project for me!

Anyway, I know I am rambling and rattling, but I can't help it! This project is just another step in emotional healing for me, but it is painful at the same time! I guess it is hard to explain, but working through sadness is not always easy. I know this every time I begin a project. I am thankful for the projects, no matter how hard they might be at the time.

Being able to do something nice for someone is what I believe to be part of my purpose here. I appreciate having a purpose other than dishes, laundry, toilet cleaning, and sweeping!

This is a fairly close view, but the quilt was not quite finished yet.

Just Call Me Lucy

This is the only way I can think of to let you know, that your blog will not allow comments, even though it has a place for comments. I tried to click on several of your posts and none of them will allow me to comment.

THANKS!

Locks of Love!

Meeeeema and Boog, after a big day is Boog's little life! Today, we cut her hair and sent it to Locks of Love!

That ponytail signifies hair for a child without it, for whatever reason, and it makes my day that she could do something so great for someone else!

And, get this, her hair gets to go to SUNNY FLORIDA! I think you should get to go there with your hair! ha! Maybe it is just a little too cold here these days!

I feel sick.

As I sit in my chair, working on the project for a blogging friend's sick family member, a Susan G. Kommen 3 day breast cancer walk commercial comes on. No big deal, right? Every time I see a commercial like that, it affects me, but this time I heard something just right and it SMACKED ME RIGHT IN THE FACE! The girl holds up a pic of her mom and says, "I never really got to have a say as to whether or not I wanted to lose my mom, now, I feel like I have had my say." I just wept. SUCKS! I know exactly how that girl feels, which is why I make quilts for those who have lost and those who are sick. I do the only little thing that I can to help someone heal. It helps me heal a little too, but right now, I feel sick!

My Boog...

My Boog has a tendancy to ask the SAME EXACT QUESTIONS every day of the week! The other day she came up with a new one, so I'll share.

Please keep in mind, she was talking about the color of our toothbrushes. There are so many of us that there is an entire rainbow of toothbrush colors!

"Mommy?" she says.

"Yes, Boog?" I answer.

"What pink ids dis one, blue?"

"Um, sure Boog, dis, I mean, this pink is blue?. (Of course it is, what other pink would it be?!) No, this one is purple, Boog," I say feeling like I have missed something!




I think she got a little confused, but by then, so did I, so I just let it go and brushed her teeth!

Happy Monday (#$&#!) everyone!

I have probably said this before, but...

I have probably said this before, but I am pretty sure that the school needs to start checking with me, before adding holidays, teacher workshops/institutes, or any other general days off! I have haaaaaaaaaaaaad it! And, no, it is not because I don't love my kids, or want them around, but it is more because I need my routine to remain the same waaaaaaaaaaaaay more than the kids do! It really messes me up, when they are home on odd days! They had a 4 day weekend. They just had two snow days just one week after Christmas break was over! I neeeeeeeeeeeeeed my routine!

Yes, I am WHINING! AGAIN!!

BIG BIG GIRL!

This little big girl has been pee pants free since yesterday morning! She is doing her best and doing great! She still wears a diaper at nap time and bed time and probably will for quite a while, but she has not made pee foot prints across the living room floor in the last two days and that is quite an accomplishment!

The picture above is what she does when she is left to decide what she wears! This is Bucko's shirt and her pajama pants, carefully coupled with some brightly colored socks! New fashion craze? Could be!

Look What We Did!

The girls got new tutus in the mail today! I think they are so sweet! A friend though they needed them to showcase some of the items I have been crocheting. They are SO CUTE!

Why Is It?

Why is it that someone needs my help and I feel like there is nothing I can do for her?

A lady in my small town needs me to watch her foster child. That should be easy enough. Right? Nice try, but I have two small children at home all day long and one of them is SO much work! She constantly freaks out, whenever she is expected to follow any rules. She is more work than I have ever had any of my kids be! She defies all rules. She ignores my voice. She screams and yells and flops and flips and it drives me nuts. I am serious. I have not mentioned it before, because she rarely does any of this around anyone but me, or my family anyway. Lately, it seems to be getting worse. She is freaking out when I am on the phone. She is banging her head against the wall and kicking and hitting things. I am at my wits end! I really am. Especially now, when I feel like my friend needs me the most. I know that she is missing work, day after day, because she can not come up with a sitter. I also know that I can't handle any more, so why do I feel so bad? I am beside myself.

Sorry to dump this here, but I needed to get it off my chest!

Jamie

Oh, what a day!

Somebody is working on being a big girl!

She has been "potty training," but only on her terms.

I have not set any real standards as far as chasing after her, so it is just when she wants to,

until today! Yesterday, we got her some

"bid durl unaware!"

She has worn four of the six new pairs today!

Yep, you counted right! That means three accidents, but that isn't too bad!

I am impressed, for the most part!

She pees puddles, that I am not nuts about, but other than that, she is doing great!

So, Now What?

So, some of you already know that my uncle died. After all the confusion has died down, I know now that my mom's brother, grandma's only remaining child, died in the hospital Tuesday morning after a strange episode where he threw up blood on the roof he was working on and then came down only to collapse and lose consciousness. Are you with me so far? I don't really know in what sense he lived until Tuesday morning, whether it was by respirator or hanging by a thread, but that is what they tell me he did, so I will just go with it. Either way, he is gone and my grandma is devastated.

Let's back this train up a few cars...Grandma's first child was carried to term and thought to be a healthy child. Everything was going according to schedule, but it turns out that grandma needed a c-section and an attempted suicide was taken care of first. Grandma's baby died inside of her. In my mind, that is enough pain for any one person to EVER have to endure.

Moving ahead, she is blessed with a son and then a daughter, within about 18 months of each other. I would have to guess that it wasn't always easy, but that she was happy. She is a fairly mild mannered lady and was a great grandma to me and my kids too! Her children's dad was not worth the cloth he was made of, but her kids made her happy! Her son, my uncle Michael and her daughter, my mom, grew up quickly, as all kids do.

All to early, her daughter had me and then my 4 siblings. Grandma loved us and was good to us, from all that I can ever remember. My uncle moved away and started his life in another state. He soon married and had two sons of his own. He also had a son, whom he never had a life with, for many reasons, but mostly because he was not good to the boys mother. I guess you would say he made the choice. Anyway, life continued on and my uncle and his wife divorced and she took care of their two boys. He was not good to her either. (I believe he had a drug abuse problem for much of his life.) It was sad for us, because we truly loved her! She never lost touch with my mom. She is a very sweet and wonderful person. (I am getting sidetracked!)

Along with all stories of life, there comes death. My 3 1/2 month old niece died and it was really hard on our entire family, but grandma absorbed the shock of this great loss and carried on.

Next, my uncle's oldest son, with whom he had no life, was so distraught over the loss of his friend, to cancer, that he missed a stop sign on his way home and was t-boned and instantly killed. I am sure my uncle was hurt by this, because he did not even know anything about it, until it was over with, as far as funeral arrangements go. He did not make himself available to any of us. We did not even have a number for him. Grandma, who had moved to a neighboring state with her husband, not their father, again absorbed the shock of the loss of a grandchild. During the same time, my mom was battling breast cancer at the age of 42.

The next big loss my grandma endured was the loss of her husband. He had leukemia and died fairly quickly. She was sad and alone. She moved in to my mom's house. She seemed to recover well, from his loss. Being able to be with mom again seemed to make her feel better.

Just about two years later, her worst fears were realized, when my mom got cancer back, only it was in her liver, which is all but incurable. She died in 2007. My grandma was lost. She had lost her husband just about a year before. She was just lost. It was the saddest thing I have ever gone through.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago...
My uncle's ex-wife said my uncle had called her and asked about mom and grandma. She had to tell him mom died, all that time ago. She said he cried. She said he wanted to know about grandma and she gave him grandma's numbers. He did not call. He did not call. He did not have his own number. He had a work number. That was all. So, she could not just call him.

Tuesday morning grandma called me so upset. She was crying so hard. She was so sad. She told me that had died. The weeping of a distraught 75 year old woman who literally lost all of her children is gut-wrenching! It seems wrong. She said she feels like Job. I can see why she feels that way. It just hurts to know she is hurting so much!

So, what is one to do, when it feels like you are blessed to have lived 75 years and cursed to have lived to see your children die? Persevere, that's what! She is doing her best. My sister and I got her out yesterday, because she needed to do something. Once she accomplished what she had on her list, we took her out for a little mindless "shopping" and enjoyed the time away from reality.

Today she has called me a few times to tell me what is going on with the "arrangements." None of us can afford to have him transported, so he must be cremated. He will be returned to grandma at some point. His boys and his ex-wife, a.k.a. Aunt Jackie, will come and see us and we will have a memorial. The really sad thing is that their youngest boy just graduated from high school and is starting his second semester of college. He never really knew his dad. What must he be thinking? What about the older son? What does he think? How does he feel? I am sorry for them too. It all makes me sad.

I know this is long. I am sorry that I poured my brain onto the page, but this pain is not simple to swallow. I have lost too many family members, almost all to cancer. I am tired of it. I am sickened by it! It is really hard to deal with and I don't need help being crazy!

I hope you are doing well. I hope your new year is starting off the way you had hoped.

Jamie

Some New Things I Have Been Making!

These are just two little cuties that I have been working on for my Etsy page! I think they will make great treat bags, card holders, teacher gifts and probably just about anything else, for Valentine's day! This little bag could even hold a ring box, if you get my drift!

I Made Something Tasty!

Look, I made something tasty for supper last night! I just really wanted to show you pics of me actually using the wonderful dish that was given to me by caring neighbors! And, I also wanted to gloat about what you can't see, which is that this momma made a second pan with a different kind of noodles, so as to pass it off as a different supper tonight, rather than having to cook both nights of the weekend! Yay ME!