The other night when Meeeeema puked all over my bed, I had to search the world over for a sheet and pillow cases to outfit my bed with. The beautiful thing about that is we don't have extras of our sheets. Well, we do, but when we got our new bed set, my dear husband decided to throw the old set up in the attic! Great, right!?! Anyway, I came across some kid's sheets that my mom had given me a long time ago and in the mix was my pillow case from when I was a little girl.
I can not begin to describe the flood emotions that came with that old pillow case. I immediately found myself trying to fight back tears. I was unable to win that battle! Ponch, who happened to come in on my meltdown, asked why I was crying. I told her that I was really sad, because this simple pillow case meant so much more to me than she could understand. It was a time when my mom was not sick. She was alive and well and the meanest mom alive, of course! A title which I proudly hold today!
I miss my mom terribly! When you are a little girl, you never think about your mom dying, although, my kids do, because of my mom's death. I feel like they have been cheated of their innocense in that respect! It makes me sad! Some days, everything makes me sad! Not freak out and lose it sad, for the most part, but just plain sad!
And, when we left the "freshly" made bed, with sheets that had not been washed in atleast 18 months, since mom has been gone for more than a year and gave them to me while in good enough health to do so, Ponch looked up at me with her arms around my waist and asked me if she could have my pillow case when I die!
She gets it!
She really gets what that pillow case means to me and wants to have it in her life after I die.
I told her, "sure," of course!
The damned thing is 25 or so years old now and I plan on staying around 'til God decides otherwise, so why shouldn't she have it! IT WILL LAST THAT LONG!
I can not begin to describe the flood emotions that came with that old pillow case. I immediately found myself trying to fight back tears. I was unable to win that battle! Ponch, who happened to come in on my meltdown, asked why I was crying. I told her that I was really sad, because this simple pillow case meant so much more to me than she could understand. It was a time when my mom was not sick. She was alive and well and the meanest mom alive, of course! A title which I proudly hold today!
I miss my mom terribly! When you are a little girl, you never think about your mom dying, although, my kids do, because of my mom's death. I feel like they have been cheated of their innocense in that respect! It makes me sad! Some days, everything makes me sad! Not freak out and lose it sad, for the most part, but just plain sad!
And, when we left the "freshly" made bed, with sheets that had not been washed in atleast 18 months, since mom has been gone for more than a year and gave them to me while in good enough health to do so, Ponch looked up at me with her arms around my waist and asked me if she could have my pillow case when I die!
She gets it!
She really gets what that pillow case means to me and wants to have it in her life after I die.
I told her, "sure," of course!
The damned thing is 25 or so years old now and I plan on staying around 'til God decides otherwise, so why shouldn't she have it! IT WILL LAST THAT LONG!
4 comments:
How special! That feeling is sooo special! I have things from childhood that are put away as well...the time when the worst thing was a friend not talking to you becuase of something petty which wasnt petty back then....the simple times. The time when the "old" people were immortal. You have such a wonderful family...you should be very proud! Ponch is a great girl and understands your pain and can see how much she loves you! (no she is not the devil child ;o>) Take Care!
what a wonderful treasure. I'm glad you found it.
The scary thing is that I made my bed with my newly, freshly, puke free sheets and pillow cases and I could not help but leave the pillowcase on! I did not even take it off to wash it, which I am sort of repulsed by now, but the mental comfort is there and the side of me that is allergic to dust and all the goes with it could not care less about that right now!
Ha! As a side bar, I would like to say that I have had my first piece of cheese since Sunday and I am just waiting patiently to see if the dreaded virus is really dead, or if all hell will break loose on me again! Good times!
That too is beautiful. Can I be completely disgusting along with you for just a moment? I don't think you are aware of this, but do you remember that pillow mom had on the couch with her during her last days? I still have that pillow. I don't use it. I have never used it. Trevor used it once without thinking, and that didn't end well. I just leave it by my bed sometimes, somewhere I can see it or grab it if I need it. It too has not been washed in 18 months, at least. I know it is the most disgusting thing in the world, but I can only remember coming home from the hospital the day Mom died and laying in her spot on the couch, clutching that pillow and sobbing from deep, deep within me. I get that comfort item thing, and my brain cannot be wrapped around the disgusting part of it.
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