WOW!

Now
Then

Wow! I can truly say that a LOT has happened since my last post! I am kind of sad thinking about all that you have missed, with me not posting about every breath I take! No, really, you have missed a TON! My sweetest little sweetheart was born on May 4th of this year. That was a real treat! Well, the having him part is the what I am smartly referring too, although the getting to keep his sweet little face really is a treat! HE is perfect! Perfect, mind you, is a relative term, because if this adorable little ball of joy never sleeps and at the ripe old age of 6 months is still interested in eating ALL the TIME and SLEEPING NEVER! ;) I am really not kidding! He is making his momma old fast! He got me up almost every hour again last night! And, I am a total zombie, because I really don't "use" caffeine often, so I am an ugly mess! UGH!

You know, this will go on record as the most crazed, jumbled, run-on, hard to read, harder to understand post EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER, but those of you who know me should be used to it by now!

With that said, I have so much more to tell you, but hardly have the time. My little guy keeps me crazy busy and my Meeeeema keeps me even more busy! Hmmm, I don't have a "code name" for my little guy...that will never do! What should we call him? Little Guy...that'll work! He seemed like such a sausage when he was born that we fondly referred to him as The Little Guy. Yep, you know you are fancy when there is a The in your nickname. Well, that, or your parents are total fruitcakes, which may also be the case? No opinion comments, thank you! :)

What else, I must say that writing is exhilarating, although I feel like I am spelling it wrong and NO I won't be hitting spellcheck, for any reason, when this post is complete, because that really isn't who I am! Crazy people don't NEED to be perfect, they are usually to crazy to realize there is anything wrong with them at all...yes, speaking of myself here!

My heart is racing...YES, I really do need a life, but I think the simple, yet insanely busy, life that I lead is good enough for now!

Well, I think I should leave this post for now, because my Little Guy is now disgusted with the amount of ME TIME I have allowed myself to have! Yes, he seems to lead me and not the other way around! And, NO, I am not a pushover, often!

Have a great day!

Maybe you will hear from me again soon? I hope so.

Jamie

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my niece, Breonna. She would have been 7 this year. We only had her for a VERY SHORT time, but I don't think there is any way any of us will ever forget her. This makes me sad, but not as sad as it used to. I am not really sure why. I just know the massive amount of pain has given way to a dull ache when I think of how really horrible it is to lose someone so young, sweet and full of potential. Life never ceases to confuse me, but I try not to let the "hard times" take me under with complete and total waves of sadness. Some days are easier than others.

Hope you are all enjoying your loved ones, here and gone, today.

Jamie

Pee...

Ya, I said pee!

How can I help talking about it with a crazed 3 year old in the house!?!? Really?

Now that we are on the same page, let's move forward, shall we?

On peeing in the bathtub...A few days ago, Ponch ever so kindly let Meeeeema get into the tub with her. Meeeeema, the crazed 3 year old, can not stand for anyone else to be in the bathroom, let alone the tub, without her. Anyway, she weaseled her way in and was allowed to take a bath with her sister. Ponch was reluctant, to say the least, but let her anyway. Boy was Ponch ever less than thrilled when Meeeeema proclaimed, "I just peed in the bathtub!" Ponch said, "you don't pee in the tub! I am in here too!" Meeeeema looked curtly and said, "Oh, well, I peed by me, not you!"

Dear Lord, what could be better than that?

Well, there is just ooooooooone more thing...ugh!

Last night my husband and I were both ready for bed by 9:30. Meeeeema, was the only kid not in bed yet and she is still sleeping in ours more often than not, so that should set the stage. Just turning 3 in December, she is not night potty trained, so she always has a diaper on. Well, somehow, neither one of us thought to put a diaper on her last night and neither realized it. Sooooo, at roughly 12:45, I jumped out of bed (which if you have seen my ever enlarging mid-section lately, you know I don't jump often!) and started yelling for him to get her up, so she wouldn't keep peeing all over my bed! BLAH! Yes, folks, I had pee all over the back of my pajama shirt, pants and bed! I was just sooooo enthused about messing with all of that at such a "decent" hour! So, I took the sheet off and took care of the spot and then tried my best to get some sleep! Needless to say, I don't think I will be forgetting her diaper any time soon! :)

ADHD? I think so!

I think I have severe Society Induced ADHD! Moms are expected to be able to keep up with EVERYTHING! I am not always that great at it, so I start something, shift gears, make a wrong turn and finally come back around to finish that load of laundry I put in two hours ago!

Blah........................!!!

I know I don't write as much as I should. I think it is starting to pile up on me, mentally! I am feeling better now, but was COMPLETELY freaking out this morning! I had a huge realization that another child, especially child number 8, will be like adding a giant wedge to my husband's and my relationship! The biggest wedge now is currently 3 and sleeps right in between us. I have been sick for what feels like forever. I was hot and cold and achy and feeling half dead. I also felt like I was sleeping alone...my partner on the other side of the 3 year old, which feels like a lifetime away. I know who created the monster. I know she would not sleep with us, if WE/ME got her out of our bed. I want her out. She is a conniver. She asks if I want her to sleep in her bed, so the baby can sleep where she sleeps. I tell her there is not a baby here to sleep in her "spot" and that she has to be a big girl, but that doesn't help. I/WE have even tried to get her to sleep with her sisters, thinking that would make her more secure...nope! Suddenly, she can't even turn on the bathroom light and go to the bathroom alone anymore! I could cry! I reallllly could cry! I didn't want to be pregnant, so feeling alone and lonely is not a good way to spend these next few months. It is really wearing on my sanity...the thin thread I have left.

I don't really know what else to say. I can't take a whole lot more of the way I have been feeling..starting to feel serious cabin fever and being sick means keeping to myself, so as not to share tons of germs...I feel like I am fighting a losing battle...barely treading water! Good thing I am stubborn, or I would have folded a loooong time ago!

I hope you are all doing well...someone has to be, right?

Someone Had A Birthday!

Someone had a birthday yesterday. She only had one wish.

She wished for "macaroni and a cheese!"
I thought she was nuts, but after asking a few more questions, we came up with a plan for an actual gift...a new big girl bike and for supper we made her true wish come to fruition! We had whole grain macaroni and a cheese and organic ground turkey for supper! She was perfectly content with her "birthday meal!" ha! She even got to pick her bike out yesterday. She and her brother have birthdays within 2 days of each other, so there was no party, yet, but I wanted her to have her gift, because she is old enough to know what "it's your birthday" means, but not yet old enough to understand what waiting til later to have a party means! We have enough ANNOYING meltdowns each day, as it is!

Happy Birthday, Meeeeema!

...

Hey, I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I still have a million things to do and more crochet work to complete, so I figured saying this now was more important than forgetting until all of the festivities were over! :)

It's a BOY!

Just so you know...

Just so none of you worry, I am alive and well! I am just swamped under a great big pile of Christmas orders! I am doing my best to dig my way out, while taking on as many orders as I can, because they are helping me make money for Christmas! Some of you know and I am sure the rest of you can just imagine buying gifts for 7 kids for Christmas! Birthdays are hard enough and they usually come one or two at a time! (We have 2 born on the same day, a few years apart and 2 that were born 2 days shy of 5 years apart!) Ugh!

Anyway, I hope you are all doing well and feeling great!

Jamie

Happy Birthday, Mom! Wish you were here! You would have been 50 today! Wow! 50!

Happy...

Well, it is Thanksgiving again, even though it hardly seems possible! I have been so busy that the entire year flew by, I guess??? Jeez, that's a thought, isn't it? Anyway, each time I turn around another day, week, or month is gone. For instance, I found out MONTHS ago that we are expecting again...seems like yesterday, although that could still be shock speaking! ha!

I try to be thankful every day. I try to thank God in good times and bad. I try to support others. I try to be a decent parent. I try a lot of things, but life is hard and moves so fast! I am really thankful that there is ONE DAY a year where we are forced to slow down and be thankful for what we have, who we have and what we can still do.

Life could be much worse. Things could be and have been a lot harder. Loved ones die. Families fall apart. If we are still standing at the end of something like that, we owe ourselves a small pat on the back, as if to say that we made it through the hard times and are going to come out ok. Ok can be just enough some times. I appreciate being ok some days. Hell, these days, I take ok and give it a big fat kiss!

Embrace who you are! Don't worry about what other think, but do worry about how others feel! Enjoy this life. The proverbial "THEY" are not kidding, when they say we get just one go around! Let's make it a good one!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Love,

Jamie

Whole Pile of New Listings!

Special order Bears colors scarf!

Possible special order hat!

One for my Etsy and/or my sale!

Another one for my Etsy and/or my sale!

One for my 10 year old (no, this isn't the 10 year old), but I listed it, because it is so easy to recreate!

Well, even though I feel like I have gotten a lot done, I still have two more special order stockings, a Frankenstein bucket, a panda bear hat and 1 flip top mitten to finish! ha! Yes, just one mitten! I made 2 left mittens and had to make a right for the first pair, so now I have a lonely left to make a mate for! And, I have to sew the velcro onto one more flip top mitten for one of my sons! I don't feel as overwhelmed now, but this should tell you why I have been absent on here lately! Although, this list of stuff, minus one of the hats, was all made up in the last 3 or 4 days. I have been feeling BUSY! I could be busier, but I am not sure how! I am VERY thankful for all of the work though! I have been hiding it away for Christmas!

Must Be Growing?

I don't know what is going on, but I must be growing, because I was getting ready to get into the shower this morning and Mesa looked at me for a minute and then spouted off, "Mommy, why is you bewly button so fat!" Great! FABulous! Like I need another reminder that I am getting bigger by the minute! Honestly, by now (I was 14 weeks Sunday) with all of the others I was out of my regular clothes. I am still wearing my jeans, but probably only because they are low cut. I have a feeling that I won't be wearing them too terribly much longer, but I still have them on for now!

If there were to be a moral to this story, it would be...

NEVER let a 2 year old see you naked!

I tried telling her it is the baby growing in my belly. She did not seem to buy it! She said something else that made my day..."You awr giant!" Well, thanks, princess! Dear God! I didn't want to have more children, but I REALLY didn't want to gain weight...I was LOSING it! UGH!

Anyway, I hope you are all doing well!

Problem...

I have a problem....

I don't know what to do about it...

It is kind of driving me crazy...

Wanna know what it is???
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I am hungry ALL THE TIME!!!

I hope you are all doing well! I appreciate you listening to my lunacy! I would write even if no one was listening, but having a little input helps!

Thanks,

Jamie

Unusual

Unusual gloom and doom, or hormones running rampant? Who knows, but it is driving me nuts and upon the advice of a friend, I am going to try the out let of blogging more. I am sure it will help, but sometimes I don't feel like trying to explain things, because if you were to look inside my brain...jumbled mess!

Anyway...

Yesterday was my first REAL OB appointment, which means I had all the creep stuff checked! Looooove it! UGH! Beyond that, I like my new dr., whom I have only met once before. She is really NORMAL, so you don't feel like you are under a microscope, but she is also INTELLIGENT, so you end up feeling like you will be taken care of. Some drs. are too much for me.

Moving on...

She asked about concerns and as odd as it sounds, I was only concerned that this being my 5th actual pregnancy, I thought I would be bigger. I don't mean my fat places should be bigger...my actual lower abdomen should be bigger. I am still wearing regular clothes, which has NEVER happened past 10 weeks. I rationalize that jeans are cut lower than they used to be, mine are anyway. I rationalize that I don't eat red meat, or milk with hormones any more, which could have something to do with it, but I only made it to 10 weeks with my first...the 5th...

She checked for a uterus measurement and could not find one. She checked for a heartbeat and could not find one. She and I talked briefly and then she decided that I should have a sonogram...right now! I didn't panic externally. I did a little inside. It made me very sad and sick to think about carrying around someone who had ceased to exist, somewhere along the lines.

I had to drink a TON of water, or so it seemed! I had to be registered for the sonogram. And, then, I had to wait, until the lady was ready for me. A short wait feels like a long wait, sometimes. A few minutes later a familiar face walked in to get me! She was the lady who did my sonograms with my last child. Her husband is actually one of my son's football coaches! That made me feel a little better.

The X-Ray tech got me all set up and got started on the baby looking. She asked what I was doing there and I told her that the dr. checking to be sure it was still alive, pretty much. She confirmed. She started giggling! I didn't say much. She flipped the screen my way and I was able to see this little baby hopping all over the place! He/she was/is very much alive and all hopped up on something! Jeez!

I started to cry! I hate feeling like I have been slammed into saying I want something that I, for all possible reasons did not want. I feel like God slaps me around sometimes! Like he says, "do you, or don't you?" and I am forced to claim ownership of something I did not intend to own. Amazing!

I was so relieved.

I was so drained.

I had already walked myself through everything that would happen next, if the baby had not be alive. I was completely saddened at the mere thought of all of the feelings so many women face. Some even face these feelings often. I feel for all of them. I can't imagine, although now I have.

I went to be just after 7 last night. My husband did not understand why. He seemed aggravated with me. I could not stay awake any longer. Life is overwhelming sometimes. Being pregnant, stressed, having a million kids and a serious scare just wiped the floor with me!

Thanks for listening!

Jamie

Life

Life is really getting overwhelming. I am not interested in much of anything, but I feel like I need something. No, I am not really depressed. I would tell you if I was. TRUST ME! I am stressed out though! I feel like I am getting lost in everything that is going on. I feel like I don't matter much and that is driving me nuts! I hate winter and I know it is coming...could be part of the problem. I love fall though, so I am trying not to let my dislike for the cold and short daylight hours eat up all that I love about fall! It isn't that easy though. I kinda feel like I am losing it, which is just awesome! I feel lonely. I miss my mom. I think all of these dumb hormones are pushing me closer to the edge! UGH! Like I need help getting to the edge! REALLY!?

Also, I have a brother in prison. I miss him. He is 5 hours south of me. I NEVER get to see him. We have a million kids and it is not easy to just up and leave for 12 hours, in one day. And, overnight is even less of an option. I wouldn't really want to be gone over night unless the kids could come with us anyway! Although, a St. Louis trip with just my husband and I would probably be priceless! Anyway, back to the brother...ready to choke him ! I write him. I am probably the only person who does, without fail, yet he is not writing back. I would love to know what makes him think I will take some excuse about how busy he is, as a reason why he can't write me back, when I have all these kids, in all these sports, with all the laundry, meals, showers, fingernail clipping, hair brushing, teeth brushing crap that goes with them...I am not listening to any crap about how busy he, or anyone else is! I KNOW what busy is! One letter a month would NOT be asking too much! REALLY!

And, I go to the dr. today. The dr. is in a nearby city. The city is where the mother of our two adopted kids lives. I don't want to run into her. I don't want reasons to have to avoid her. I just want to keep my distance. That will be rather tough to do, since she lives there and in an uptown apartment just down the block. This makes me kind of sick. I just want her to stay away. I want the kids to have a shot at growing up, without drama. Extra drama anyway! Our house has plenty of drama...KIDS, not me, of course! ha!

Sorry for venting. I can't keep all the dumb stuff tucked in any longer though. It is not my style. I should be writing, but the indifferent feelings have been keeping me from doing a lot of the me things that I do. I did, however, just write him a letter...my brother, so he knows I am tired of being pushed off. Don't worry, that was only in the first paragraph. I wrote nice "stuff" after that.

Thanks for listening.

Jamie

So, I had this dream...

So, I had this dream and woke up in a panic around 3:30 this morning. I dreamed that Bake's and Boog's mom had been sneaking into our house. (Remember, these are the two that are adopted and their mom has been in and out and now really out of the lives, over the last few years.) She was looking for something, among my papers, but I could not figure out what. All I know is that my husband and I were headed back from a dr. appt. and found pics of our youngest son, Bucko, strung all over a country road. I was baffled, but picked them up and went home to find that she had been there, sneaking through my papers. The next thing I know, she and her friends are driving through our alley and go out of their way to hit one of our cars, which was parked back there. (Dreams are odd! We don't park back there at all.) I called the police and balled them out for letting her out of jail, in the first place. (She really was just in there for 5 or 6 different charges and was not prosecuted on the one that should have blown her parole...little bitter, I guess.) They said they could not do anything, because there would be no proof that it was her. Of course!

The next thing I know, she is calling me at work. I flip out, when I figure out it is her. I told her to stay out of my house and out of our lives. I am DONE with the garbage. I get home from work and she has been in my house again! And, the best part is that I find a baby in Ponch's bedroom! I couldn't believe it! I had to wonder how long the poor thing had been there! It was a newborn. I thought it was a boy, from the way it was dressed. It was soaked in pee, so I changed it. Strangely, I bought my first bag of newborn diapers a few weeks ago, in real life, and in my dream it was right there, under my bed, so I pulled that out and changed the baby, only to find out it was a girl. Funny?! It was a sweet, tiny baby. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with it, but I knew someone had to take care of it. All I could think is that I would not let it go, but I was also going to be having a baby before this one would be very old! UGH!

To the rescue...Like it was the way it was supposed to be, my mom showed up. (She died 3 years ago, in Sept.) She found something to feed the baby. She was playing with it, so I could get something done. I walked out of the room and could hear the baby giggling, at all of about 2 or 3 days old! She always said that when a new baby smiles it is because an angel is talking to them. Anyway, I called Bake's and Boog's mom and freaked out on her again! I was really ready to choke her, for dropping another child in my lap, since she has never had to be responsible for anyone and now I would be doing the 2 by 2 baby raising, yet again! She told me it was her dad's baby. (Her dad died when she was 4, or something like that.) I accepted the lie and let it go. I woke up wondering who I would have to go through to explain how I got this baby and what would happen to it, when I did call someone. (Isn't it funny how quickly we fall in love with something so small!)

Well, Now...

Well, now, I am no longer absent, but I am PISSED! I have had it! The justice system does NOT bring justice and I have had enough of it. Of course, it is not fair to just say that and walk away, although I would kind of like to, because the can of worms is a little larger than I care to deal with right now, but since my mind is on overload and I want to be able to sleep tonight, I should just say it, right?

The bio mom of the two kids we adopted has been in legal trouble, starting just a few weeks after getting out of prison, in the first place. She has gotten a DUI, driving without a license, a speeding ticket and something else, all in one night. After that, she got a domestic battery charge and a felony charge for theft, a few weeks after that.

Today was court. Court should have been a fair process, but she would have definitely gotten in serious trouble, because she is still on parole.

Anyway, I was able to look it up and she got probation and a hefty fine, for the DUI, but the felony just got pushed off and so did almost everything else! I don't understand! I really don't! How can you do thing after thing after BIG thing wrong and get almost nothing out of it?

Forgive me, but she runs around breaking the law, she didn't do what she needed to keep her kids and it is ALL driving me CRAZY!

I CAN NOT understand how some people can get by with doing NONE of what they are supposed to do.

Maybe I will sleep tonight and maybe I won't, but thanks for letting me freak out! You probably can't even make heads or tails of the crazed ramblings, but I feel a little better, I think!

Absent!

Well, I just wanted to tell you all that I am going to be absent for most of the next week. Some of you may think I am absent now, but I assure you, this is normal me and next week will be crazy busy me who has no time to think! I just thought you should know up front, so you don't wonder.

First off, Sunday marks the 3 year anniversary of mom's death. STINKS! That's all I have on that!

Next weekend is the homecoming parade and some of the kids are in it, so we HAVE TO be there. That is next Thursday. Friday is the homecoming game. We will be taking the kids to that.

Saturday and Sunday my sister and I will be setting up at a really cool art, wine and music festival! I can't wait! It is an hour away and we have to be there early, so that we are set up on time. I am sure it will be fun, FABulous and exhausting!

IF you want to google it, it is the Salt Fork River Art Festival, Oakwood, IL!

Have a great week everyone!
If you miss me on here, I am probably missing you too!

Froggy, Froggy, Froggy!!!

A friend asked me to make a Halloween costume, from her pattern, so I could take pics of the girls in it, for her Etsy listing. When I got the costume done, she suggested that I make a bucket to go with it. It is all reaaaaaaaaaaally cute! I might be a tad biased! What do you think?