I know I don't write as much as I should. I think it is starting to pile up on me, mentally! I am feeling better now, but was COMPLETELY freaking out this morning! I had a huge realization that another child, especially child number 8, will be like adding a giant wedge to my husband's and my relationship! The biggest wedge now is currently 3 and sleeps right in between us. I have been sick for what feels like forever. I was hot and cold and achy and feeling half dead. I also felt like I was sleeping alone...my partner on the other side of the 3 year old, which feels like a lifetime away. I know who created the monster. I know she would not sleep with us, if WE/ME got her out of our bed. I want her out. She is a conniver. She asks if I want her to sleep in her bed, so the baby can sleep where she sleeps. I tell her there is not a baby here to sleep in her "spot" and that she has to be a big girl, but that doesn't help. I/WE have even tried to get her to sleep with her sisters, thinking that would make her more secure...nope! Suddenly, she can't even turn on the bathroom light and go to the bathroom alone anymore! I could cry! I reallllly could cry! I didn't want to be pregnant, so feeling alone and lonely is not a good way to spend these next few months. It is really wearing on my sanity...the thin thread I have left.
I don't really know what else to say. I can't take a whole lot more of the way I have been feeling..starting to feel serious cabin fever and being sick means keeping to myself, so as not to share tons of germs...I feel like I am fighting a losing battle...barely treading water! Good thing I am stubborn, or I would have folded a loooong time ago!
I hope you are all doing well...someone has to be, right?