Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Blah........................!!!

I know I don't write as much as I should. I think it is starting to pile up on me, mentally! I am feeling better now, but was COMPLETELY freaking out this morning! I had a huge realization that another child, especially child number 8, will be like adding a giant wedge to my husband's and my relationship! The biggest wedge now is currently 3 and sleeps right in between us. I have been sick for what feels like forever. I was hot and cold and achy and feeling half dead. I also felt like I was sleeping alone...my partner on the other side of the 3 year old, which feels like a lifetime away. I know who created the monster. I know she would not sleep with us, if WE/ME got her out of our bed. I want her out. She is a conniver. She asks if I want her to sleep in her bed, so the baby can sleep where she sleeps. I tell her there is not a baby here to sleep in her "spot" and that she has to be a big girl, but that doesn't help. I/WE have even tried to get her to sleep with her sisters, thinking that would make her more secure...nope! Suddenly, she can't even turn on the bathroom light and go to the bathroom alone anymore! I could cry! I reallllly could cry! I didn't want to be pregnant, so feeling alone and lonely is not a good way to spend these next few months. It is really wearing on my sanity...the thin thread I have left.

I don't really know what else to say. I can't take a whole lot more of the way I have been feeling..starting to feel serious cabin fever and being sick means keeping to myself, so as not to share tons of germs...I feel like I am fighting a losing battle...barely treading water! Good thing I am stubborn, or I would have folded a loooong time ago!

I hope you are all doing well...someone has to be, right?

3 comments:

Christina said...

I'm so sorry!!! I wish I could help in someway...please take care of yourself, and I hope things get better!!

Amy said...

I know the feeling about having a child sleeping with you. I fought it for the longest time, then my mom said just let him sleep with you. So I did. We are also having him evvaluated for a breathing issue and I felt better having him in our bed. At first it was fine, then it got progressively worse. We are now not letting him sleep in our bed. One of us will lay down with him in his bed til he falls asleep, that way the other one gets some rest. I hope things get better for you soon!

Sex, Drugs and Bacon Sandwiches said...

I hope that things have improved for you in the last few days since you posted this. I have no children but a friend of mine experienced similar scenarios with all of her children whilst trying to get them to sleep alone... I hope you work it out soon.

PS, I am back in Blogland with a different disguise - I am no longer eternally distracted!