Tuesday, September 1, 2009

The boy.

The boy stayed home sick from football practice yesterday. Turns out, he was feeling a little more sadness than he wanted to let on. He said his head, back and stomach hurt. I had arranged to pick another boy up, or so I thought, so I just went into town anyway. When I got home, my husband and I, plus the three smallest kids, went for a bike ride, while S jogged. (still love my bike trailer!) When we got home from the bike ride, I made milkshakes! Yep, a little exercise and then a lot of garbage! In my defense, you should try pulling that trailer!

Around 8:30, which is extremely early for me, I decided to TRY to get the littlest one off to bed, which never really goes well. I decided that I would just read my book and see if she would take the bait. HA! Nice try, Lady! She had a ball running back and forth between me and her daddy, though. Finally, around 9, I shut the light off. I have been very tired lately. I am sure stress is a factor, but I know it will let up again soon, so I am not too concerned with it. While I was laying there, Z came in.

Fresh from his shower, Z came in and sat on the edge of my bed. After a few questions about why we did not keep Stafa inside, so she would have had a longer life, he was laying at the end of my bed. I don't think he ever started to cry, but he was deeply hurt by the loss of his dog. He said he had a hard time focusing on anything since her death. He said he does not want anything to do with our other dog (maybe afraid to get close to her, because she will die one day too?). I told him that she is hurting too. She lost her best friend too. She is so sad. She is a DUMB dog, but she is also a pretty good girl and she will learn as she goes along. He seemed alright with that.

I told him that the way he misses Stafa is the pain I feel when I think about my mom. It seems crazy that he would miss the dog more than he misses a human, but the dog was ALWAYS there for him. She never had to work, or take care of anything else. She was just there! He loved her so much. He seems so sad. It makes me sad, hurt down deep in your heart kind of sad.

I gave him the speech I give myself about my mom's death. You do not have to get OVER the loss of someone. EVER! You merely have to be able to get THROUGH the pain you feel from the loss. Some day, you will look on memories fondly, with a little sadness, whereas, you feel a lot of pain now and are not well able to think fondly. It is ok. Time is truly the distance your heart needs to let your mind cope with what you have been through.

I hope you are all well.



Snot Head said...

Wow...I am still so impressed every time I hear about one of your conversations with him. I am just so happy that you guys have that kind of open relationship where he can express himself without being embarassed. It is good that you can be a blessing to your kids as they experience loss and also that they can gain some insight into your sadness.

Adventures of Me! said...

i know that sad achy feeling all too well. for many dif reasons. the feelings that our kids are going thru is truly agonizing for me...please give him a giant hug for me..he is soo sweet. his heart is giant...

Anonymous said...

OH, I so know how you feel! My son used to want to be a vet until his dog died! The grieving process is so different with teach child. It's even more frustrating because all we can do is hug and pray for their hearts to heal.
This post talks about the different way children mourn. When it happened, it really took me by surprise: http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2009/08/03/the-owl-and-puppy-dog-a-lesson-in-how-children-mourn/