He is gone.
I spoke to his mother today.
He died yesterday.
Just plain sad!
Now, I have to tell my kid and prepare myself for a funeral that is too painful for words! I have not done this since my mother's death and I really don't want to go through all of those feelings again, but I don't really have a choice! I would never keep my support from the family, but I am really having a hard time dealing with the way I feel!
A kid needs a dad, even if only to be able to tell him later that he was not there for him. This may sound ridiculous, but my dad was not there for me and when I got older I was able to decide to reconcile a little and I was able to try and salvage a little bit of a relationship. I did not get left with only the feelings of not being enough to keep my dad at home and not being good enough for him to want to stay with us. I know this is not true, or my fault, but I am speaking from my childhood feelings. Anyway, this boy will have no time to ask questions or try and mend relationships. I can't stand it! I hate this for him! I am taking on the pain and I know that is crazy, but the things I did get a chance to deal with are closing in around me in sympathy for him!!!
Rest assured, I will always give all of my readers the feeling that they are completely sane, when they read my posts!